Effects on relationship

People with infertility often feel a sense of loneliness, regret and isolation. Although they may be in stable and supportive relationships, it is unusual to see couples cope the same way at the same time. In general, men are a bit more optimistic. Often they don't realize how badly their partner wants children or have difficult empathizing with their partner. Many women feel infertility, particularly female-factor infertility, as a personal failing.

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When men are stressed by infertility, it often comes out as being irritable or overcompensating by spending more time at work or at the gym. Women, on the other hand, may be more likely to feel vulnerable and tearful. Since women often have activity limitations because of the treatments, they may not be able to find the same escapes as men.

The two partners may grieve setbacks in different ways. These differences can be particularly pronounced because women are on hormone therapy often do not feel like themselves. This can be an emotional time under any circumstances, but even more so with extra hormones and the stress of infertility treatments.

For men, the best suggestion may be to be a listener; not every problem must be solved, and often all the woman wants is for you to hear her out. Follow her lead, offering a shoulder to cry on or an evening out if that is what she says she wants. (Of course, the same is true if the roles are reversed.) Although the woman's body usually experiences most of the treatment, the man can stay involved by driving to procedures that require sedation, dealing with the insurance company, picking up medications at the pharmacy, or giving injections.

It's important to take breaks from talking constantly about infertility so that it doesn't become your whole life instead of just a piece of your life. It may be best not to share with very young children that you are trying to conceive. Older children may sense that something is going on, so sharing age-appropriately is recommended. Most importantly, do not lean emotionally on your children and remember that they need you to be a fully functioning parent.