If traditional sexual intercourse feels painful or makes you uncomfortable, think about other ways to seek sexual pleasure and intimacy with your partner. By practicing sexual activities that are different from what you would normally do, you may be able to have an enjoyable experience without feeling pain or becoming tired. Sharing pleasure or reaching an orgasm from mutual caressing can relieve sexual frustration and help you feel like a lover again.

People sometimes feel uncomfortable with certain types of sexual activity; for example, having orgasms through hand caressing, oral sex, anal sex, or using a vibrator. Feelings of unease may come from cultural views, religious beliefs, or messages from your childhood.

Only you can decide what kinds of sexual touch are comfortable. Be sure to talk to your doctor, nurse, social worker, therapist, or chaplain if you feel unsure or conflicted. They are available to listen to your concerns and give you advice. From a medical or psychological point of view, most types of sexual activity are healthy and normal, as long as you do not hurt yourself or impose sex on someone who does not agree. However, some cultures and religions do set limits on what kinds of sex are "OK."

Here are suggestions that many survivors find helpful:

• Give yourself a lot of time to get "in the mood." Eat a romantic dinner by candlelight. Listen to sensuous music. Hold hands, caress each other, and allow time for foreplay so that you are as sexually aroused as possible.
• Enhance your sexual experience through techniques to help you relax, playing out fantasies, taking a shower or bath together, lighting scented candles, listening to arousing music, and talking about the fun you have had together in the past.
• When you are both fully aroused, try experimenting with each other in new ways. Give each other foot rubs and sensuous back rubs with scented oils. Use gentle touches, kissing, and fondling to stimulate your partner.
• Use your hands to stimulate yourself or your partner, or use your mouth to stimulate your partner.