Just in time for the DVD release of the extended version of The Lord of the Rings—The Return of the King, six medical students and a psychiatry lecturer at Royal Free and University College Medical School in London offer a diagnosis of Sméagol/Gollum. The British Medical Journal appears to have saved all of its really silly articles for the Christmas issue.

What the researchers wanted to know: So, what is it with Gollum? Or Sméagol? (Sméagol is the nice one; Gollum is the nasty one.)

What they did: First, the researchers reviewed Sméagol's family and medical history. He is 587 years old, hobbitlike, and male; his family was wealthy and influential but cast him out after he killed Deagol for the ring. They note that "he dislikes himself, stale raw fish, and 'hobbitses.' " They also consider his mental and physical state—unkempt, jittery when discussing the ring, and (with reason) thinking of himself as a murderer and thief. He has trouble controlling himself, but the writers attribute those symptoms to the ring, since Gandalf and Frodo are affected similarly.

What they found: The writers considered several possible diagnoses. They reject a brain tumor, because he's been this way for so long. His diet of raw fish and live animals might cause a vitamin deficiency (paranoia, delusions). Or an overactive thyroid could cause his weight loss and bulging eyes. They reject multiple personality disorder, since his two personalities are aware of each other and carry on conversations, and schizophrenia, because the ring seems to cause his problems with self-control. They conclude that his most likely diagnosis is schizoid personality disorder—a particular psychiatric diagnosis that includes withdrawing socially and being indifferent to other people.

What the study means to you: Not content with diagnosing historical figures, the medical world has moved on to fictional characters.

Caveats: Neither Gollum nor Sméagol is a real person.

Find out more: Information about schizoid personality disorder at the National Library of Medicine

The actor who played Gollum in the movies (OK, so the final Gollum was computer-generated, but the guy who voiced him and dressed up in a blue suit so the computers had something to work with) played a magazine editor in 13 Going on 30.

Read the article: Bashir, N. et al. "A Precious Case From Middle Earth." British Medical Journal. Dec. 18–25, 2004, Vol. 329, pp. 1435–1436.

Article online: http://bmj.bmjjournals.com