Finding Your Way
Cancer's path can be rocky, and each of us needs to find our own way in what is an intensely personal experience. I found it helpful to think through just how I would try to help a patient face what I was facing:
Catch your breath. Your mind is racing and needs to take a pause. Ask a lot of questions, talk things over with your loved ones, and don't make any snap decisions. There's almost always time to mull things over and get another opinion if you wish to.
Control what you can. Someone else and something else has taken over your body, and while those around you all seem so strong, you feel so weak. Have a frank discussion with your family and your healthcare team about it. Decide what it is that you can or want to weigh in on about your medical journey and your personal life. That includes what you want to tell others about your personal health.
Stay constructive. As a matter of policy, assume that you will do at least as well as the best of those who have had your disease before, not as bad as the worst. Remember most of all that every day is living time.
Avoid the anger trap. It is easy for fear and anxiety to morph into anger, depression, and grief over what is being threatened or taken away. Try to remember that the fury of "Why me?" is answered just by looking around at the many afflicted with devastating illnesses or other random misfortunes. Cancer specialists understand the fury, and support groups, counseling, or medication can help. Your feelings are predictable, not shameful—but important to control.
Look for the humor. If you have even a little funny bone, now's the time to use it. You have earned the right to be deliciously irreverent. This will also help you to cope with those who sometimes fumble in trying to deal with your illness.
Insist on respect. Perhaps it's obvious, but you need a healthcare environment that does more than treat your body. If you find yourself in an environment that does not meet your emotional needs, find one that does.
Nourish your spirit. When faced with cancer, even proclaimed atheists sometimes find dormant spiritual feelings or beliefs emerging. This is not something that you can or should force, but don't underestimate or undervalue its power to bring solace or balance.
This story appears in the April 9, 2007 print edition of U.S. News & World Report.