After the Fall
Struggling for emotional balance after September 11
We are not the people we used to be. "There is a difference in me," says Rachelle Cummins. "September 11th pushed me to get closer to God's word." Shaun McGovern finds himself crying more easily. Therapist Claudia Arthrell finds clients grieving anew for loved ones who died years ago.
The emotional fallout has rippled across the country. Americans like these, who were nowhere near where the twin towers fell, ache for those who were--those who now measure losses in uncelebrated birthdays and children who won't remember a parent. Even beyond that ache, however, people without tangible traumas are still finding that the attacks made a lasting and deep emotional impact. "The thing that sticks with me," says Eve Robinson of Madison, Conn., the mother of 4-month-old Briana, "is the huge feeling of loss, not for a personal friend but for the world as we knew it, for the loss of a humanness and humanity."
For many, autumn was a lost season. A new study by the think tank Rand shows that while reactions were worst in the Northeast, 9 out of 10 adults nationwide reported stress symptoms--such as bad dreams and difficulty concentrating--in the days after the attack. In the weeks that followed, emotions played out in ways that ranged from hardly noticeable to intense. Some people fell into a low-grade depression. Some lost patience. Others lost sleep. Some got angry, and some got religion. Some worried about the big picture; others found new appreciation for quiet walks. Some did all of these. Time hasn't healed, but it has helped. A Pew Research Center poll shows that 71 percent of Americans were depressed in mid-September. By mid-October the number had dropped to 29 percent.
But anxiety--fanned by anthrax scares, the Afghanistan war, and last week's plane crash in New York--still runs high. These stresses can contribute to a "pileup effect," says psychologist Charles Figley, director of the Traumatology Institute at Florida State University in Tallahassee. "It has shaken us to the bone. We haven't had the opportunity to master the sources of stress because they're still unfolding." Michael Lerner, 58, founder of the Commonweal Cancer Help Program and president of Commonweal, a health and environmental research institute in Bolinas, Calif., says that "every possible response to stress and fear is taking place. Some responses are constructive and life affirming. Others are destructive and restrictive."
Uneasy life. Many post-attack responses are similar to people's reactions when they learn they have a serious disease. "There's a very strong parallel between living with a life-threatening illness and the experience of living with the emergence of terrorism," says Lerner. Both can instill fear, panic, and fury over that which is unfair. Both force us to contemplate mortality and a future that no longer seems promised. Both produce a terrible waiting-for-the-other-shoe-to-drop vulnerability.
McGovern, a film production accountant from Studio City, Calif., felt a general malaise. "I notice I have a lower energy level," says McGovern, 33. The attack, he adds, "triggered stronger responses than I normally would have. I cry more easily watching an interview with people who were directly affected or at a sad movie."
Don Coleman, 55, a Richmond, Va., accountant, finds himself "a little more apprehensive, a little more anxious." Says his 47-year-old wife, Darlene, a hairdresser, "It's taken the zest out of everything. My clients feel the same way. Everybody is just sad and insecure. We went from being so carefree to being so worried. And I can't imagine that anybody could make us feel secure."
This loss of security is maddening. "I resent it," Darlene Coleman says. Adds Robinson: "I was really angry that somebody thought they had the right to take that away."
Women, it seems, have been more affected than men. The Pew survey showed that 4 out of 10 women reported feeling depressed, compared with 1 out of 5 men; 19 percent of women had experienced insomnia since the attacks, but only 7 percent of the men had trouble sleeping.
The attacks of autumn, for some, also reignited old traumas such as the death of a parent or spouse. "We have seen more people dealing with previous losses," says Arthrell, director of professional services for Family and Children's Services, a private, nonprofit counseling agency in Tulsa, Okla. It, like many other such agencies around the country, saw a dramatic jump in client calls after September 11. "Old, unfinished issues emerge. Even though some of them happened years before, losses have been felt all over again. People are missing those who would have comforted them," she says. Some had even stronger reactions and sought more help. "There are a lot who have gone to their physician for medication for anxiety."
Why do some people get and remain more upset than others? Some are more naturally optimistic. And, "for many people who were previously depressed, it certainly is another burden," says Julie Barnes, a clinical psychologist in New York's Greenwich Village. For some, "it's been the straw that broke the camel's back. The people who have reconnected to their work, family, a purpose, a meaning in their life, those people seem to be doing really well."
Coping styles. Though sad, some have done well from the start. Their reaction has been to embrace life, looking for the good, cherishing moments and seeking solace. This search for the good in the midst of the awful has also comforted many who were juggling feelings of anger and grief. "In some ways I've taken more pleasure in life," says Robinson. "I'm much more into taking walks on the beach. It's felt like a lifeline, a connection, a sense of peace. It doesn't change anything, but it gives a sense of comfort." She also has been in closer touch with her parents and sister.
Cummins, a 32-year-old senior research adviser for AARP in Washington, D.C., is "making sure my son and husband are safe and well and fed, that our home is a comfortable place, and that we don't put going to the grocery store to catch the latest deal on soda over taking Reid to the park."
Feeling the need to be connected is typical. In the wake of the attacks "more people are signing up for dating services, wanting to be in relationships," Lerner says. "More people are going to church, seeing psychotherapists."
"I'm feeling more connected to God," says Cummins. Until the 11th, she says, her Scripture reading "was something I was just doing in church. Now I'm reading it on the Metro" and posting passages on her bulletin board at work. Such personal and spiritual growth helps many people find a way through anxiety and beyond depression and to rearrange priorities. "When life is threatened, people look at what is important," says Lerner. For many, this has meant doing volunteer work, adopting pets, and reaching out in other ways to their community and the future.
The community, many find, is eager to reach back. When Robinson, her husband, John Hambor, and his children, Matt, 13, and Liz, 10, took Briana to temple recently, strangers flocked to see her. "People really rallied around new life," says Robinson. "Even when she squealed in the middle of services, nobody seemed to mind."
Stress signs
BY THE NUMBERS
National reactions, in a survey, to September 11:
Upset when reminded about the attack 30 percent
Disturbing dreams, thoughts, or memories 16 percent
Difficulty concentrating 14 percent
Insomnia 11 percent
Felt angry or had outbursts 9 percent
Source: Rand survey, New England Journal of Medicine, Nov. 15, 2001
This story appears in the November 26, 2001 print edition of U.S. News & World Report.