How to Spot and Stop Bullying

4 ways to help prevent, detect and address bullying.

Teens who bully may be victims of bullying themselves, so parents should first try to get to the root of the problem.
By SHARE

Forget New York. If you can make it in middle school, you can make it anywhere. Think about it: You're barely pubescent when you leave grade school's bright, happy walls, where your name is probably emblazoned on some artwork, for a place with kids who, although they are probably just as scared as you, are bigger.

Until recently, mistreatment in middle school – even the risk of it – was considered a rite of passage. You were merely lucky or unlucky, liked or disliked. You just hoped to survive.

Thankfully, there's been a rethinking of that philosophy. Growing awareness about bullying and its associated trauma has many communities deeply engaged in efforts to combat and prevent such behavior.

[See: 6 Dangerous Games Your Kids Should Avoid.]

Anti-bullying campaigns kicked into high gear in recent years amid high-profile cases such as Carl Joseph Walker-Hoover of Massachusetts and Ty Field-Smalley of Utah, 11-year-olds who committed suicide after enduring relentless bullying by their peers. President Barack Obama cited those cases in 2011 when he and first lady Michelle Obama hosted the first White House Conference on Bullying Prevention. In 2012, Oprah Winfrey joined Lady Gaga at Harvard University for the pop singer's launch of her Born This Way Foundation, which aims to end bullying. That same year, The Weinstein Company released the documentary "Bully," which follows several families who suffered the consequences of bullying and launched an anti-bullying campaign backed by public figures such as Demi Lovato and Anderson Cooper.

So, how have these efforts fared? Well, they could be better. Bullying statistics in the National Crime Victimization Survey released in June indicate a steady trend in bullying from 2005 to 2011, says Deborah Temkin, bullying prevention manager for the RFK Speak Truth To Power Program at the Robert F. Kennedy Center for Justice and Human Rights. In 2011, the most recent year for data collected, 28 percent of youth ages 12 and 18 reported being bullied; 9 percent reported being a victim of cyberbullying. While rates haven't increased, they haven't dropped either, Temkin says. "It tells us that perhaps our efforts aren't strong enough."

Temkin dismissed a recent study released in the Journal of Criminology that showed anti-bullying efforts might be counterproductive. She says the data is insufficient and points out that schools must find the specific approach that works for them. That requires surveying their students and analyzing the school environment to apply a thoughtful strategy. "A lot of the things that would work for one school, that may not work for another school," she says.

[Read: How to Cope When School Anxiety Lingers.]

Bullying incidences peak in middle school, says Robin Young, program manager for the National Crime Prevention Council. These are awkward and vulnerable years, when kids start to physically develop and become more aware of their differences. Cliques take shape and, with them, a social caste system that only adds to an adolescent's desire to fit in. Plus, unlike in grade school where teachers tend to resolve spats between kids, middle school students are more likely to resolve issues among themselves.

In that context, bullying can result from jockeying for social status. But it's more complex than that. Often, as with any cycle of abuse, the one doing the bullying may be getting bullied by someone else. "The bully at school can be getting bullied at home," Young says. "The victim today can be the bully tomorrow."

That outlook helps to refine the approach to identify and prevent bullying behavior, which wreaks havoc on all those involved, including bystanders. Bullies can develop aggressive behavior as adults, while their victims may long grapple with anxiety and depression. A 2008 study in Australia found that adults bullied as kids were three times more likely to have suicidal thoughts compared to those who weren't. And while bullying may peak in adolescence, it never disappears – it just morphs into things we've given different labels, like harassment.