While you're making lifestyle changes, an attitude check may also be in order. In our culture, says Bostwick, a man is supposed to think, " 'I should still be a potent stud at 84.' Well, why? Who says? Or, 'I should be dissatisfied that I'm not a potent stud.' " But how much sex a man should have, at what age, and how to have it all are his decision, say experts—it's just important that sex is there, in a form that satisfies both people. "It's important for emotional bonding and for building intimacy," says Hyde. "It's good for our psychological health and relives stress, and of course, it's hopefully enjoyable."
If you remember nothing else, though, keep this in mind: Intimacy comes in many forms, and letting your wife know you know that will help. Her lack of interest could relate to your insistence that sex must mean intercourse, and on the way to that discovery, you might smooth out other relationship problems that were stunting her libido. Starting a conversation—independently or with the help of a therapist—is one of the most important steps, even if you've never had to talk about sex before, experts say.
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