Good Parents, Bad Results

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I agree with Maureen...tape was very vague...needs more info...not very informative. I don't agree with soap in the mouth either. My dad was very abusive to us and use to do that and it was awful. I will not do that to my kids. This tape could be more helpful if it would have given ideas for children 3 and under.

Nancy of OH 1:17AM April 16, 2010

Ok to me it's just not that hard. The punishment should fit the crime. Set the limits for your kid and let them know exactly what the consequence will be if they go outside the limits or disobey the rules. My mom used to pull up to a store and before we ever got out we were told Look with your eyes not your hands, I'm only going in here for a few things so don't ask me for anything. If you touch something you will get... (whatever the punishment was). She had no problems in that store with us.
Be Consistent. We knew my mom meant business. We got the same talks before we went to someones house to spend the night or if she left us with our granny.
There should be somethings that are just not acceptable and get the worst punishment (everytime). Lying was huge and no matter what you were getting a spanking for this every single time. If you'll lie you'll do anything. If you do something you shouldn't what will you do to do to cover it up LIE. So if you are taught that lying is huge and absolutely unacceptable you aren't going to try alot of things you shouldn't because you know how horrible lying is. There's alot of things that I didn't do growing up because I knew to get away with it I would have to lie to my parents and lying didn't get me anywhere but trouble.
Another piece of advice..find out what is punishment to your kids and use it. For me growing up I had a favorite doll and if my mom took it away I was devasated. I would go in her room and my doll (my baby) was just over in the corner all alone not wrapped up. It would kill me inside. At the time that was worse then any spanking my mom could have given me.

Kristi of NC 12:24AM April 16, 2010

Way to go Yahoo! This article is right on! Most of us only know parenting from having been parented--where do we learn the skills? Most parents will either do what was done to them or do the opposite. Our culture does not support examining what happened to us and looking at other options. It is tough when you are in the middle of it! Therapy is one way to help address this. You cannot possibly be compassionate with others (whether to your children or in the world) without taking an honest look at yourself, what you were given or not given and truly give from a full and loving heart. How can you really do that if you got less than that from your parents? It is possible, but it is HARD WORK! Talk about having to grow up! Yes, I do believe everyone is doing the best that they can, but we as a society, can do much, much better. Why do people abuse? Because they were abused themselves, that's why. Look at the rejects of our society and you will see the many, many sad stories of neglect, abuse, abandonment, and the wounds of performance-based esteem (not true self esteem)--I can personally attest to that! Not to mention the intense social pressures of what "really" counts-the grades vs. creativity argument. Even if you are not a parent, you can do your part. The world needs more people willing to take a hard look at themselves and take risks to make it different. Look honestly are yourself and you can see others more clearly too, and not be so quick to judge or punish. This is what the world truly needs--more compassion--it starts at home. We need to take responsibility for ourselves and own it when we make mistakes. There is nothing shameful about that. But let's not pretend that "because I turned out ok, punishment is ok". . .I would not wish any child to suffer what I suffered at the hands of my parents--and I know they did their best--I just hope to do better. Our world depends upon us doing better--and we all can!

missb 12:16AM April 16, 2010

need more info. on discipline for under 3 yrs. old... time outs maybe, but explaining to the child not so easy
that video was like spliced together... what should I think? Condoning use of soap in mouth? blah I think that is tacky. The man talking and the other clips.. kind of disconnected if you ask me.

Maureen of MS 12:08AM April 16, 2010

I agree with Michelle, kids need to be kids! My son is a very active 4 year old. Whenever he starts getting rambunctious i take him out side and let him run around! By the time we go back inside he's calmed down, having burned off all his energy. I admit I have spanked him once or twice in his 4 years, but its far from abuse. I was spanked as a kid and i think I turned out fine. I'm not a criminal or violent person. I discipline mostly with time outs...just the threat of one usually stops him dead in his tracks lol...just the thought of having to stop whatever he's doing and sit for 4 minutes works. That and the "mom" voice. And the middle name...when I was a kid and my middle name came out of my parents mouth i knew I was in for it if I didn't stop. Ok enough rambling...let your kids be kids and stop labeling them!

Mary of NY 10:11PM April 15, 2010

I use a Waldorf inspired daily rhythm, and loads of time with my children. My husband and I cook all three meals, eat at the table with our children, and live without TV, or video games. Our kids don't use the computer at all. Occasionally, we may spank. I know its unpopular, but it really only has to happen once or twice for most kids. I've seen parents let their kids in almost fatal situations, without any repercussions whatsoever. It doesn't sink in for most kids.
I'm glad people aren't encouraged to overuse spanking, but I don't agree with the 'research'. Fifty years ago, kids ate at home, didn't go to daycare, and got spanked occasionally (like when they almost burned the back yard down, or something like that).
Our children are happy, enthusiastic, creative, and polite. They know some things won't be tolerated though. I disagree with these articles that seem to use many words, but no real information. Ok, don't spank. Then what? It actually takes some skill. Its not enough to read a ridiculous article. I've seen parents trying to do better, but yahoo articles don't teach these things. I remember having my first child and being lost for the first 2 years! My best education has been to volunteer at a private discovery preschool. I watch the trained staff interact with the children there. But it needs to be a good place, one in which the staff have real training. That helped my parental repertoire expand past reasoning and straight discipline of one sort or another.
Although the title of this article is promising, it needs to be said once again, that there isn't anything wrong with the parents of today. Society needs to support parents and children more. Every parent I know is doing their very best to support their children, as they always have. Yahoo, why not write something for our lawmakers?
We need to stop making war, and pay attention to the children of this country. This kind of article wastes our time. Ugh! I'm about fed up with yahoo and these ridiculous articles. I think I'll get rid of my email here because it just makes me angry.

SaraB of KS 7:42PM April 15, 2010

It's true that be a parent is hard but we(the parents) make it even harded then what it should be,kids from 0-18 yrs they need attention and they always act up when we don't listen to them at the time they need it.specially toodlers, time outs are okay,however it does not work all the time is very important to stablish a foundation now as little as the 1st week old of being born, by talking to them and show them affection, is more likely for a child to respect you and listen to when they are on a confortable relationship with their parents then just sending them to their rooms or place them in a walker in front of the t.v. watching barbey or other kids show, is very true kids can be very challenging but their is nothing that we can't do as a parents to show them possitive reinforcement,the #1 thing to do is become their friends, tread them with respect, that way are more likely to come up to us when perpresure is hunthing them in school or if there is any problem. #2 tooldlers they love being loved however they can be challenging in the stores or in the park,the hold thing "its mine or I want this toy.. I wanted now" it could be embarrassing however as a parent before we leave to the store or to the park we need to explain them how long we are going to be in the park,and in the store what are we going to get only,its always fun to make it as an adventure at the grocery stores,I know its hard because I have two babies one 18th months and a tooldler 2.5 yrs old. It has work for us to talk to them before we take them out,even though they are so little they can understand if you approached to them with a friendly attitud and affection.

magic of CA 5:30PM April 15, 2010

In our day and age there was NEVER all of this ADHD with children. Now a days children cannot even play and run around the neighborhoods to "burnoff" their energy, that GOD made in them, instead children are being taken to DOCTORS who are prescribing Medications and then not only is the child on medicine at a young age, the child is also labeled as having a disease, all the while the doctors are being paid by the drug companies to prescribe these drugs....
I've witnessed this first hand with working in a doctors office and seeing all of the "drug reps" who to me look like "legalized drug pushers".
It is a shame and parents should be more PRO-ACTIVE when it come to their children and having someone label them with a "Disorder". When do we really ever see children jumping rope or riding bikes down the street anymore?
This society has changed and strained the children of today. They are growing up much too fast. In order to play any type of sports anymore it is all now organized, and not a fun game on the street like we used to do.. Where it cost money and not all can participate.
People need to wake up and get back to the basics and stop complaining! Stop wanting everything so FAST and high TECH and NOW!!! Let kids be kids..
Children are not even allowed but PE once a week in school, if that anymore these days. When we were required it as a daily activity and looked forward to running around outside.
This is my opinion... It is not the children FAULT, wake up ADULTS!!! Let the Children be Children and PLAY!!!!! They are only Children ONCE!!!! WOW!!! Read the Bible.. The only way to the Kingdom of Heaven is to be like a Child....
May God Bless you All. Each and Every one!

Michele of GA 5:16PM April 15, 2010

ALSO...
exceptions to middle ground...
Safety and other QUICK behavior issues. You still don't have to spank. Grab your child quickly or scream and show the intense fear that you feel. Fear is passed on to children. That's why when parents are OVERLY (and IN-appropriately fearful, they pass that on to their children and make their kids wimpy and anxiety ridden) . If a parent shows APPROPRIATE fear, that gets passed on also. Any time your around moving cars, show appropriate fear and explain to your child that cars can kill or injure you because drivers might not see you and cars can go fast and they're heavy. Also remind them that they're short (ha) compared to an adult, so they're hard to see. You don't have to spank a kid, just make them afraid. It's appropriate.

Nikki of CA 4:56PM April 15, 2010

In sane moments, speak to your child with respect and tell them WHAT'S GOOD TO DO and why it's sometimes hard to do it. For example you say, "It's good to share some of your toys because then you can have fun playing with a friend". then add "it's sometimes hard to share when your two years old, but I know you can learn to do it, if you practice." "Lots of two year old's have to work at it.." Be prepared to mention this on several occasions when you two are alone and just hanging out.
Then when he has a friend over or is playing with a sibling, stay close, keep an eye out. If they're having trouble, remind them and help them out in the situation. If the kid he's playing with is grabbing every toy away from him, get in between the two of them and let them know that they can't grab toys away from each other... If your child won't let the other child play with ANY of his toys, remind him that it's no fun for the other child and that he is going to need to share some toys. (Sometimes it helps for him to put away a couple of favorites in a closet that are difficult for him to see others play with.) The point is you are there to HELP him find solutions. Stay calm and give him a chance to get his emotions under control. If you lose your temper, how can he stay in control? If he can't keep it together, escort him away (carry him if you absolutely have to) and stay with him in another room until he cools down. Don't lecture him or work him up, let him calm down. Tell him it's OK that he's frustrated. Tell him it will get easier as he practices and as he gets older... it's the power of suggestion. THAT IS A TIME OUT... YOU'RE REMOVING A CHILD TO CALM DOWN AND STOP THE BEHAVIOR. What you're telling your child is that you understand how he or she feels, but you're NOT letting them continue what they're doing. (I don't understand why some parents think this is less powerful than a spanking... you're completely stopping the behavior, what's more powerful than that?)
This builds trust between you and your child, but also creates discipline. It takes work, but THIS is parenting. You are letting your child know that he is required to do the right thing, but that you will help him learn how to do it and that you have faith in him that he can do it.
As they get older, the trust you are building will come in VERY HANDY. You won't be able to pick them up forever and if they trust you (even if they don't admit it on the surface, they can FEEL trust!), they will listen.
I have two teenagers and though they need to think more for themselves and want more independence than they did when they were younger, which is healthy, they make very good decisions, have great self esteem and we have great relationships (or else they're faking it well). They still say they love me, they still listen to me and they come to me with at least some of their problems..

Nikki of CA 4:39PM April 15, 2010