More Than Shy: How to Cope With Social Anxiety

I've had social anxiety all my life. I was diagnosed with ADHD so I've always felt that I was different, slow. I'm sure this is a main contributing factor to my anxiety. But there are so many factors that it's difficult for me to figure out where to start. I just know that if I'm going to try to dig myself out of the rut I'm in, I need to learn to be more comfortable interaction with people.

The above article explained about how we are very social people under certain conditions. That is very true for me. I'm my own worst enemy and will kill myself with resentment when I'm left to myself for too long.

I frequent a bar in Portland where I hang out with a handful of my friends. I very much enjoy the distraction they provide, and will go out of my way to be with them or others, so long as I have the company of people who I'm comfortable around. But when ever I have to act in an outspoken manner, like when I was in school, I become frightened and will do almost anything to avoid the situation. I can't stand being in the spotlight, and become very scared whenever I start to take on notice from a number of people at once. I dropped out of school because of those fears. That kind of interaction is seemingly impossible for me.

There was a time when I thought I would be able to break through this barrier. It was my job to give daily announcements to a large room full of people. I was very nervous and was on the verge of breakdown almost every time, but I felt a sense of power in getting past the moment. God help me if I had to interact with anyone in the crowd, answering questions... But all I had to do was read the piece of paper in front of me and get everyone in to eat their dinner.

I think where my main problem comes in is where I have to perform personally. Anything where I have to talk, act, perform on my own... show people ME, causes me to freeze up. I over-annalise my own actions, pause and act peculiar in these situations.

In short my employment history has become wounded. And though I've had the opportunity of taking medication for the past couple of years that have really helped my emotional ups and downs, I'm finding it harder, I think, than most to continue finding work where I feel I can perform the tasks given to me, let alone feel comfortable doing. The economy has probably helped.

I need to find work that involves little to no people, that caters to my odd sleeping hours that I have developed because of intense stress episodes I have while trying to fall asleep, and that doesn't involve the world collapsing if I get something wrong at what I'm doing, because I get things wrong often.

Thank you for allowing my input. Answer back if you have any helpful dips on the subject. It's easy to fall into complacence when your running from yourself most of the time. Half my problem is running... then again half everyone's problem is. Add that to someone with gray areas and you've got yourself a conundrum.

Paul Russell of OR 9:30PM March 07, 2011

Not as severe as I thought; infact, not bad- I'm just a shy person that doesn't want to be in the limelight or attention drawn to me in most cases. I can interact with others, just a plain ole' shy girl. Thanks for the article. Glad to know.

Kate of CA 5:04AM February 08, 2011

For those who want some non-medical help...

Check out Boundaries by Cloud & Townsend.

Also, any book by Eckhart Tolle, Joel Goldsmith, or Emmet Fox. They are spriitual rather than psychological (except Boundaries), but they helped me help myself. Very beneficial reading, in my opinion. You can change your personality, you can change who you are, and you can change your environment. What you can not change are other people. Let them be who and what they are; focus on yourself. They are there, you are here; keep them there while you stay here. Just keep everything simple; the books explain it so much better than I.

I used to be shy and afraid of other's reactions; then I realized I was living too much under the influence of being raised by my mom's personality- she's very shy, not that I would have ever known it had (several) someone not told me. At 15 yrs I decided that shy was not me, I didn't want to be shy, and broke (or hatched) out of my little protective shell.

Ten years later I was finally comfortable in my own skin, so to speak. I decided I wanted to be social, and I was - and made lots of mistakes along the way. But I also met lots of beautiful personalities and saw amazing miracles because of my decision. Looking back, I'd do so again. What I gained in soul enrichment far exceeds any pain felt along the journey.

You CAN decide to change yourself, and you CAN succeed at it. Decide who and what you want to be, then be what you decided. Don't think; just be. "Do or do not; there is no try," as Yoda would say. Easier said than done, true. Ten years is a long time, but the results are so worth it! Whatever you decide, do not give up, however long it takes. One decade is a small price to pay for who I am now. God bless and heal all who need it.

LC of TX 7:03PM August 12, 2009

I've been diagnosed over several decades with PTSD, depression, ADHD, Borderline Personality Disorder (I don't think so) and now, "anxiety disorder" with obsessive-compulsive traits. I identified with various points in the article. I am usually at home, have been underemployed and now on disability, have been very anxious by authority figures at work, and even colleagues. I've also failed at sustaining a relationship, despite dating over the years. I'm still single and now 53. I've taken all kinds of psychiatric medications and have had decades of therapy. I'm even trained as a therapist. People usually find me easy to talk to, interesting, funny, kind. It's so ironic. Yet, I always fear that I'll be depressed and a burden to others, that being single and in poverty (despite a masters degree and many talents in the arts) will make others feel I'm on the fringe of society, too broken. I worry about running out of topics and knowledge, and being thought boring and unintelligent. I don't have much hope of conquering this. I don't even have the temporary esteem boost that used to come with a more youthful physical appearance. A few friends, my art, and a Buddhist philosophy helps when I remember it. I wish there was a support group for anxiety locally. I should plug into resources online in the absence of any in my community. Does anyone know of a good website for mutual support?

Lisa of MA 7:41PM January 02, 2009