Want to Be Happier? Here's How

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Dave,
I've been through a lot of depression in my 55 years and I honestly feel for you. The one main thing I have to say is - no matter how bad life gets, everything's temporary, so NEVER give up. Our emotions are like the weather. If it's cold and raining right now, just accept it and wait. The sun will inevitably return. You don't need to rush it - just go with the flow, even if the flow seems to be going down the drain for the time being. Don't destroy your chances of having happiness by fixating on "bad luck". That's a dead-end thought pattern you've got to change, no matter what else you do. I've gone through the same kind of thinking as you - God or the Universe must be punishing me for something. My rational mind finally won over and tossed that poisonous crap out. Then things began to get better. I hope you'll do the same.
Take care,
Dan

Dan of WA 2:42PM April 18, 2010

I too suffer from anxiety and depression and was diagnosed with it a few years ago. When I read Dave's post it reminded me of myself. It seemed I was destined to a life of unhappiness no matter what. But I have realized that I have brought on a lot of my own anquish over the years by putting myself in negative places..
The choices we make for ourselves allow people to treat us the way they want to and we let them do it. Inside I know I am a good person, very capable of loving and wanting to be loved back. One thing I have learned though is that I over gave to so many people that didn't know how to accept being cared for. In the process I made me feel rejected and confused. They didn't. I did it to myself. I allowed others to use my kindness to their advantage and then I had a hard time understanding how they could treat me the way they did when I gave all of myself to them.
Then one day a high school sweetheart found me and it was instantly a whirlwind affair. He was going through a divorce he said. Only later I found out no divorce had been filed. They did seperate but his grown daughters were not going to have us together and eventually he let his ex move back home to satisfy them. Or that is what I told myself. We parted ways briefly a few times only to always manage to find our way back to each other. I still love him with all my heart but I know for me I have to walk away and detach myself completely.
We never argued, had a cross word, or anything. We always got along, even in school. So it is very difficult to let go of him. If I allow myself to stay in this situation I know I could wait indefinetely and make up every excuse in my mind why I should stay. Instead I choose to hold the things we did together and shared close to my heart and move forward.
I know there is a life waiting for me. I have to be willing to be strong enough to move towards it. It doesn't mean I no longer love him or that I want to be without him. It means that I love me enough to want that happiness, that feeling I finally know is possible, in my life again. It was the most awesome thing I have ever experienced since my life was always so negative and dismal. It gives me something to look forward to. Even if it never comes again I will still be looking forward to when it does, in whatever form it does.
Depression is a horrible thing and for those who have never met it can never understand what those of us who have really do go through. Today I am happy because I learned I can be. Oh, I still have bad days, but I go walking or do something to occupy my body in a better way. When something goes wrong I look for a positive way to fix it, or eliminate it, taking a new avenue to what I need. It is a learning process. I stay away from dramatic people now and don't allow them access to my life anymore. I am stronger than I have ever been. I enrolled in college courses at 53 and I am loving it. I had to make myself get off of my pity pot and realize I am worth it!

Sheryl of FL 9:10AM April 18, 2010

True happiness is god...

pia 7:33AM April 18, 2010

Life is full of ups and downs. I've had my share for sure. But for the last few months my life has sucked. I have bad luck on a daily basis. Everyday it's something different. I don't know what I've done but I feel that my luck will never change. A once happy go lucky person has now become a dreary person who upon waking wonders what bad things will happen next. I have become the most miserable person I know. Every time I get my hopes up for something it falls through and never happens. I am truly starting to believe I'm being punished for something. It's ugly inside of my head. Why even keep breathing when you hate life? I believe the "happy" chemicals in my brain are depleted. I exercise 5-6 days a week and it still doesn't help. As a matter of fact I'm fairly buffed up. Not even that helps.
I am an alcoholic in recovery who's on the verge of relapse. It's almost like Satan wont stop the bad luck until I pick up booze again. I quit drinking a year ago to find happiness, so if I'm miserable whats the sense of staying sober? I'm not unhappy because I don't drink I'm unhappy because every day it's just bad luck.
I'm in need of some serious help. I have no health insurance, so I cant get any help for my misery. If things would just go my way for once I'm sure my thoughts would change.

Dave of MA 8:41PM April 17, 2010

Lifetime desire. Although I am and have so much to be thankful for, I am not a very happy person. Laughter, lightheartedness and fun don't come natural or easy for me. As a not very outgoing or talkative person I have always coveted these traits. I think this is due mostly in part to being the oldest of 4 siblings, born of young parents who frequently fought and Dad that abused alcohol. They divorced when I was 13 and I had a lot of responsibility. I also abused alcohol and had difficult relationships due to anger issues and general dysfunction. Thankfully, finding a relationship with Christ, helped me to change some bad habits and settle down and have my two beautiful kids - now grown. I still battle mild depression or melancholy personality. I work hard in an administrative position but don't have a lot of energy, joys or sense of satisfaction in relationships with others. My marriage is livable but lacks in many areas after many years of arguing due to his jealousy (never gave him a reason to be so - it only pushed me away). I love spending time with our kids and hanging out with girlfriends and other family on occasion. I still attend church but my relationship with God isn't as deep as years ago. I think menopause has increased the humdrums so between physical and emotional things I really do want to finally find at this stage in my life, happiness and joy. To be lighthearted, be able to laugh, feel confident in myself and not threatened by others but loving, patient and able to encourage others is my heart's desire.

Tori of OH 10:23AM April 17, 2010

This author is on the right track. You create your own happiness. It is not something that can be given or taken away. Happiness resides within. However, I would suggest, and what has changed my life) is to familiarize yourself with the law of attraction. The law of attraction is an irrefutable, universal law as sure and as real as gravity. Discovering the law of attraction literally turned me from a depressed pessimist into an incurable optimist. My whole life has changed and yours will too. The are many different names for the law of attraction, such as deliberate creation, noetic science, focused intention, and many others. Please get to know it. Give it a chance. It will help!

Cat of SC 7:27PM April 16, 2010

Donating to House Rabbit Society...
http://www.rabbit.org/
See the request for donations?
Go for it! It'll totally make you happy after writing out a check.
And no, I do not work for them, I swear (just love bunnies).

Angie Koutrotsios of IL 12:34AM October 23, 2009

For me everything has to be clear baby steps, I truley want to be happy, HERE IS MY WORLD IN SHORT FORM
I am a single grandmother of 4 chlldren 8-13
I am worried all of the time about providing the best for them'
I feel so bad for them that they dont have parents who can care for them that I feel sad alot. its been this way for 8 years and I have completely lost my HAPPY it was replaced with all the above. Please dont get me wrong the children are a true blessing and I WANTED to take them of course. I just allowed to many years to pass feeling sorry for them and possibly myself now we dont laugh out loud much in our life and I want HAPPY BACK please help us find it. Thank you

teri of TX 4:16AM August 26, 2009

Happiness is nothing more than good health and a bad memory :)
I've just found nice tips to enhance our lives, thought you might like them: http://going-well.com/2009/06/19/turn-it-up-10-tips-to-enhance-your-life/

Anita of NY 3:19PM June 19, 2009

Accept yourself include your imperfect part is also a way to love yourself. This is the only way to set you free and stop critize yourself and others.

Georgiana 9:55AM April 28, 2009