Narcissism Epidemic: Why There Are So Many Narcissists Now

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The emotional payoff, ego boosts, i.e., narcissistic supply, is vital for survival to the narcissistic individual. To obtain this ongoing and regular supply of "blood", control is the singular, high-powered tool used to drain others so the narcissist's insatiable hunger can always be fed.
It is not always the stereotypical, ostentatious, imposing braggart that destroys relationships and even their own marriages and families.
The very nicest, sweetest person can turn out to be the cat-in-the-hat-on-steroids-from-hell. Control begins at home behind closed doors through emotional and verbal manipulation and abuse:anger, rage, fits, shaming, blaming, dishing out guilt-trips, drama, and the most effective tool in the bag:the victim/martyr role: it's always somebody else's or "your fault!". Never theirs.
Owning fault would make them flawed, or "less than", which is intolerable. To the n. feeling a healthy shame must never occur. Instead, it's about blaming and manipulating people, and control is the means.
This individual is concerned only with how they see themselves reflected from the people by whom they choose to be surrounded. These chosen people are idealized by the n. as near-perfect, thus fulfilling the n.'s perfectionistic requirements, which is how they must see himself/herself. They cannot tolerate anything less than thinking of themselves as ideal, or better than others, and loved by all. For the subtle, "humble" n. this is, of course, internalised.
Admitting fault, or asking forgiveness only occurs if it is seen by others, so as to boost their image of "humble virtue" in other peoples' eyes; thus, providing yet more narcissistic supply. Asking forgiveness is extremely rare however, because the n. is always "the victim", and the victim has nothing for which to apologise.
When, not if, these friends lose favor with the n. they are x'ed out and the n. seeks another unwitting donor(s). This means literally, moving on to another person, or even a relocation and "new friends". As the narcissist moves on, the impression is left of something wierd that just happened, largely unexplainable. Wondering about their own sanity, the former friends are left shaking their heads.
As you might imagine, this behavior is generational. Unless it is dealt with, the dysfunction continues and multiplies.
Imagine this tragic dynamic in a family. It is like a cancer over time. Where co-dependency and enmeshment can be cultivated and used to feed the high-maintenance n., any other members who are resistant to the control and manipulation including the spouse, will be dumped out at the curb.
The marriage, children, the years of relationships are pushed over the edge into the trashcan. For the narcissist, there is no cost too great, and no one spared. The narcissist moves on...yes, it will always be about them.

Craig Wellborn of TN 4:02PM April 22, 2009

After reading the article and comments I feel compelled to suggest all read Denis Leary's book "Why We Suck". While it may be a difficult read for some since it is written in Dr. Leary's signature and raw style, he postulates a very valid point. We, as a nation, simply need to dispense with ascribing a psycological syndrom to cultural bad behavior. Personal responsibility for who we really are needs to come to the forefront in how we teach, parent and act.
Narcissistic people will be less likely to act so rudely in relationships if they are honestly and respectfully told where their boundaries lie. Speak up and do it often. Honesty is still the best policy to live by.

R Wise of VA 1:18PM April 22, 2009

I am so glad to see that there is finally a realization of a narcissistic epidemic in this country. Being a woman in her 40’s, I started to see that something was as cue with the egos of my children’s teenage friends. It seemed to me that when I was a teenager, the majority of us were unsure of ourselves in many social areas of our young lives and fairly self-conscious of our appearance. Not so with the new youth of America. Many that I came across seemed boisterous, self indulgent and self consumed. Shoplifting was an entitlement, and many were at the police station on a regular basis. As I entered the work force again, I began to notice that the “epidemic” wasn’t just confined to the young. People in there 40’s and 50’s were consumed by power, money, and greed. I’ve run into so many that put on a wonderful caring attitude, and will tell you all of their attributes, just to have them turn around like a Jekyll and Hyde syndrome. Affection and love of others seem to be based on what another can bring to the table. This supports the idea that the beginnings of narcissism began in the 60’s. You can see its head rearing on sites like Face book, the My Space for the older generation. More friends than anyone can possibly have, pictures and videos of a wonderful life, invatations to parties, my favorite songs, my favorite shows my,my,my. Adults describe themselves without modesty as good looking; beautiful, special, highly intelligent, etc… At first you seem to feel sorry for them. They must be insecure, and in need of praise and extream justification. Not so, that was the root of the behavior in the first place. Narcissistic behavior hurts. It hurts this country because of a poor work ethic and greed bolstered by self-entitlement. It hurts family and friends when a narcissist turns his or her other side to us. A side that can hurt others without empathy. People can be thrown out like yesterdays garbage. In the end, I would assume that it would hurt the narcissist himself or herself. Perhaps jobless, few or no close friendships, and broken relationships. Yet, they will always be able to look into a mirror and say to themselves, “it’s not me that went wrong, it’s them, I love me”

Denise Yanko of NJ 11:36AM April 22, 2009

Your article points out in a place that Narcissism is experienced at some point of life.Does that mean that Narcissistic traits in an individual exists only for certain period of time.Is he normal at other times? I have been associated with a person whom I feel had these traits but I have seen him being violent many times. Please reply.

Mansi of IN 8:05AM April 22, 2009

The fashion and cosmetic industries relied on and fed it for centuries.

Jim of OH 5:47AM April 22, 2009

For openers, I am a retired public school teacher. Beginning in the mid late '80s, the administration began forcing -- yes, forcing, the teachers to emphasize self-esteem to their students. Self-esteem above performance in any area. Feel good about yourself and you'll suceed. Never mind that you are in the 7th grade and read on a 3rd grade level, or can't add 2+2 and get 8 (joke); that's not important. Self-esteem is all-important.
We teachers were ordered to push the self-esteem thing, which, of course,led, and still leads, to narcissism -- with all the complications discussed in the US News article. We see it 20 years later in so many of our problems today.
Actually, it much of this began in the '60s with the "feel good" hippie life style. But that's another chapter.
In reply to the above post, remember that the word comes from the Greek myth about the fellow who spent all his time looking in the still pond or mirror or whatever. They underestood that problem then, and what the consequences are. We still haven't learned, and probably never will.

Don Brittain of NM 11:43PM April 21, 2009

I was intrigued by your article, yet your introduction, with a frail definition of what "Narcissism" was, fell short. I had to go out after reading your article to Google and compare definitions before I could re-read your article and make sense of it. Please pay close attention to defining what you are writing about for those of us who may not in fact have a clear definition. Thank you.

Michael Simon of ME 9:01PM April 21, 2009

Has been around for a long long time and is probably no more prevalent now than ever....it is a part of growing up most kids are self centered until they realise that they are only a small part of their own family or just another kid going to school or just another member of a sportsteam or a bunch of friends etc....too much narcissism may turn into pervervion of some kind but then they may need the help of our very competent psychologists and others.....cordially,

Steve S. Roisman of CA 7:06PM April 21, 2009