Parental Alienation: A Mental Diagnosis?

I'm a mother and still traumatized from the parental alienation that my child's father enacted throughout her childhood. It went on for more than 10 years and I really didn't have a clue.

I tried my hardest to "keep the peace" and was constantly placating the father, giving in to ridiculous demands, doing nearly all the parenting and paying for most of our child's needs all the while being watched and accused by my child of hating the father and alienating him. In fact, my frustration with the father was his disconnect between demanding "rights" while being a deadbeat (refusal to pay child support, lack of motivation in parenting, not showing up for school events, and alcoholism) - he kept the focus on himself, not on our child.

I found out later that he was coached by therapists and a new partner to frame his hatred of me as an abusive alienator of his parental rights. In fact, he did not meet his parental responsibilities and was highly uncooperative, so he did not have the same affection from his child nor my respect, but not because of me, it was his own doing. He and his new partner actually engaged in a campaign of hate against me so severe that they befriended and poisoned my employer and two of my friends in addition to teaching my child that I was actually evil. Things got very very bad for me and my child but eventually I learned about parental alienation and was able to talk with my child about this. Our relationship is much better now but we are both scarred.

I was the custodial parent during the childhood. Now my child is grown but the father still behaves abusively regarding me by referring to me by derogatory nicknames. He was calling me even after our child reached adulthood to verify that he was never asked to pay more than 50% of anything she needed (after a few times of that I stopped taking his calls).

I hope that some day both my daughter and I are able to heal from this. It bothers me that the father is still stoking the fires of hatred against me. This was the most traumatic and unbelievable experiences and it still makes me ill with anxiety from time to time. My daughter and I do not have a natural trusting relationship because of it but we are working on it. I hope that this horrible problem would never happen to anyone else, and I wish more than anything that it had not happened to us.

Brenda of MD 11:33AM November 13, 2012