Some Thoughts on Suicide in Middle-Aged Women

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I wish I could die to be out this, too but there's only one way to make a wish come true. First, planning, then do it.

Linda of AL 6:08PM October 16, 2010

All the Women's Movement did for women and children was make them tired and estranged. It is too late for now middle-aged women who were raised on a model that doesn't exist anymore. The new generation of women don't know anything different than to measure their worth in financial gain and institutionalizing their children from 6 weeks on and so the new model will work for them. It's just a new order of slavery, but what is lost is the recognition that neither love nor money is the be all and end all. And we will still grow old and one day die, only now mostly alone and very sad, never realizing there may have been more to living than a prolonged adolescence we hoped the myth of self-fulfillment in the job market and celebrity culture would buy. With women in the workplace, the whole economy slipped into a system where no one can make enough money unless they are high professionals or drowning in permanent debt.
Gloria Steinem and the other leaders of the Movement were an elitist corp, and no one realized it until it was too late. Now, women are as forced into the totalitarian workplace as once they were to stay home and raise their own children in a community of creative women. You will not see the leaders of the Woman's Movement retire in poverty, but you will see their everyday sisters die in impoverishment. But isn't that always the way in the gap between general and foot soldier.
As for God, that model of personalized religion doesn't work anymore either, sad to say for the commenter who suggested faith. Things are the way they are and no one's amputated limb is going to grow back by miracle of God.
Breathe deep and step day by day, whether sharecropper or ceo. We all end up in the box or urn anyway. Work hard so you can afford a good one, I suppose.

Nina of MN 9:39PM June 29, 2010

Stuff your God. I am fifty, struggled with cancer at 40, had my husband leave me at 42, am barely managing to pay my bills, and you tell me to find GOD??? Spare me the idiocy.
imo suicide for middle aged women is going up because middle aged women have had to cope with huge changes in their lifetimes. If you are middle aged you grew up at a time when there were neighborhoods that were alive, marriages that had lasted, a time wgeb you were given some reason to believe that some sort of security, emotionally and financially, would be a possibility. Those certainties are gone, and they disappeared when the middle aged were in their twenties and thirties. People in their fifties have had a decade or two to adjust to huge changes, and that's not long. On top of that, people are being forced to make the adjustment in a society where families are divided, where there is a minimum of human connection, and where incomes are less secure, and benefits fewer than they ever were. OF COURSE middle aged women are committing suicide. I'm surprised the rate is so low.

Leila of WI 12:31PM May 20, 2010

I'm 55 years old and feeling every nano second of it. I'm overweight, drink too much and have a horrible and sedentary job that I won't be able to retire from for another 10 years. My husband of almost 30 years left me for another woman in 2008. My adult daughters refuse to criticize their dad though they call me anytime they need anything. I used to be pretty, popular and fun at parties. Now I'm an invisible old fat lady. I'm not actively suicidal, but I often wish i could just die and be out of this.

kathy of MO 2:02AM May 06, 2010

I've been reading the comments and noticed the same thing in most of them: nobody believes in God anymore. Don't you understand that God is more powerful than anything you may be experiencing? Don't you understand that God is standing nearby just ready to help you? All you have to do is ask. Is there any problem in the world greater than God? No! God can help you find a solution, get your life back on track and make you happy once again. God can make you happy here on earth. There is no reason to wish for death or the afterlife. You can find your happiness right now, right here, today, this moment.
God will never fail you. Yes, the road may be hard, but God will stick by you and lead you every step of the way. Sometimes God withholds money just to get your attention.
It's very simple: just say God, I need you. Please help me. Show me the way.
God forgives ALL sins, makes you a brand new person. Forgives all the sins of the past.
In 2001, I didn't have 50 cents to my name, as I lost my home, my car, my business, my children.....I thought life was impossible BUT I called out to God and slowly he put my life back together again. God is always near my side and listens to me when I speak. God sent me a wonderful husband who helped me get my children back. My new husband provided well for my kids (He worked for Disney-so my kids grew up in the most wonderful environment). God got me another home, another car, another job and helped me put money in the bank. I'm debt free (no mortgage, car loans, credit cards).
Yes, it's a miracle. That's why they call Him GOD.
Call out to HIM. He will never fail you.

All of NY 6:54AM March 08, 2010

Thank you, elle, for the post on not being able to get financial aid regardless of race. I am a white woman who just completed my BS degree and owe $9000 in student loans. To remain competitive in my field, I need to continue my education to a master's level -- to the tune of another $27,000. I cannot get any help other than loans because I am married and earn a decent living.
Because I have worked hard my whole life (2 jobs), my husband, too, and we are doing okay -- not rich, but our bills are paid -- I am penalized! To continue on in school means a total of $36,000 in debt -- I will NOT be doing okay.
I have worked my entire life and paid into a system that rewards those who have made poor choices -- and yes, a lot of our problems are brought on by our own actions -- drug addiction, multiple children out of wedlock that we cannot support, crime, etc. -- and these are not "race" issues, ANYONE who makes poor choices should not get a free ride on my or anyone else's back who has worked hard.
A college education should be available to all US citizens. If you can go for free, then I should go for free! I'm the one paying your free way! All of us who want to better ourselves should have that opportunity without burdening our families with ridiculous debt.
The system is horribly flawed and DOES NOT equally help it's citizens.

Susan of FL 4:11PM March 07, 2010

To: Scared mother of AZ.
It must have been very difficult for you and your family. I'm afraid but you have no choice to lower your expectation of what life should be or should have been. Yes, your kids need to start going to a public school, which is ok. Get rid of your pride and ego. You don't have room for that right now. If you have under-aged kids, chances are you'll not be homeless. Go and talk to your local social workers or public health dept. There're many services available out there. So reach out. If you tell your doctor/social worker/therapist that you want to kill yourself, they no only take you to the hospital but they will take your kids away from you. So unless you're REALLY serious, watch what you say (if you're serious, DO let them know so that they can keep you safe). I know it's hard for you to believe right now but it's not the end of the world. It's the end of a certain life style and it's scary but you'll make it. Believe me, you will. When life challenges you like this, it's very important that you be flexiable to changing situations that more you try to hold on to what you've lost, unhappier you become. So get up, grab the phone and reach out, please.
(What you're going through has nothing to do with menopaus. I'm a clinical social worker and I know what I'm talking about. ) Stay strong.

ME of San Francisco of CA 11:43PM February 14, 2010

Your story breaks my heart. Lower your expectations and stay alive.

Liz of CA 3:56AM January 15, 2010

I am a stay-at-home mom in my early 30s with young kids. They excell in their private school. I have no work experience other than being a mother. I have no friends to relate to. My husband was making $120,000 per year when this past June, while he was out of town at a 2-day golf tournament, he decided to drink and drive. He was subsequently arrested and lost his job. He is now a telemarketer and cannot afford the $50 per day to drive into the city for work and back. We are losing are house which is now worth less than half of what we owe on it. The bank is stringing us along with empty hope. We will very soon be facing the real fact that we will have to take our children out of their private school and away from their friends to become homeless. I can't foresee us affording to live in a hotel. We have been starving - we don't have money for food. The stress has caused me to suffer great medical trouble. I cannot bear to contemplate becoming homeless. I have been shuffling the idea of suicide since June when my husband ruined our lives. Last night he asked me if I had $20 for his court-ordered alcohol abuse class. I had $8 to last us untill the end of this month. I could not give it to him because I needed to give it to my little boy for 4 school lunches which will not even get him through to the end of this month. I am so torn by this hell that I just want to die. I cannot go on this way. The ground is crumbling beneath me and my children are suffering greatly as well. I'm so very angry, so very scared, so very helpless, and I have no one but myself to talk to. My life has flipped upside down over night. I had absolutely no control over it and no way to stop it. It has now been over six months and it only gets worse with each passing day. There is no way in hell that I can watch my children become homeless.

scared mother of AZ 6:57PM January 14, 2010

Hang in there, girl! A lot of what you're going through is probably due to premenopause or menopause. I went through the same thing for several years. I'm 54 now, finally through menopause and my outlook on life is a lot brighter.
Before completing menopause, I had many restless nights and bad dreams -- lack of sleep contributed to the depression, too. I also had many regrets over things I did wrong or things I didn't do in my life. I think that a lot of us middle-aged women tend to beat ourselves up worse than we really deserve and we also dwell on things more, too.
One thing that really helped me during that period was prayer and opening my Bible to a random page. There always seemed to be an answer on the page that addressed the very problem I was experiencing or that gave me hope to keep going. Exercise is another thing that lifts your spirits.
Just keep putting one foot in front of the other and forging ahead -- You will eventually get through this time! And remember that suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem!

CB of TX 5:55PM January 12, 2010