Mom's a Harsh Critic? Here's What to Do

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digital temperature shower add on unit of AL 8:47PM May 19, 2010

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Jill of AL 9:16PM March 10, 2010

It's hard not to love her. I created a fantasy of who she really was and denied that she was really hurting me despite the obvious confused expression of her love. It wasn't love, it was her saddness of herself being lived out on me and my sisters. She's a horrible woman for what she had done to me. I must now break away from the idealized image of her that I created to claim for a loving mom, and reject her in order to truly appreciate the precious life of two sweet spirited little boys that I have. But, it pains me to let her go, she is my mom. The only mom I was given. Without her, I have no mother. But with her, I continue to struggle the intense hold she has on my life, the confused sense of what a real mother should be ruled by a sad, lonely, selfish, soul that needs help. I refuse to be her excuse for not getting help due to her addictive need to abuse and control me. I reject her, and hope her internal voice leads her to a desperate need for self help and recovery, as I do for myself today.

R of OK 1:16AM September 18, 2009

It's hard not to love her. I created a fantasy of who she really was and denied that she was really hurting me despite the obvious confused expression of her love. It wasn't love, it was her saddness of herself being lived out on me and my sisters. She's a horrible woman for what she had done to me. I must now break away from the idealized image of her that I created to claim for a loving mom, and reject her in order to truly appreciate the precious life of two sweet spirited little boys that I have. But, it pains me to let her go, she is my mom. The only mom I was given. Without her, I have no mother. But with her, I continue to struggle the intense hold she has on my life, the confused sense of what a real mother should be ruled by a sad, lonely, selfish, soul that needs help. I refuse to be her excuse for not getting help due to her addictive need to abuse and control me. I reject her, and hope her internal voice leads her to a desperate need for self help and recovery, as I do for myself today.

R of OK 12:52AM September 18, 2009

I am a man that has never thought I was good enough and lacked self confidence. I have yet to figure out why and sometimes think it was my parents since no matter what I do I feel like they can't accept me for who I am and the focus is always on my failures.

J. of VA 6:12PM November 16, 2008

We can't choose our mothers. But we can choose where we look for nuturing. Would you go to Mc Donald's and ask for filet mignon? Not hardly. So why ask for emotional sustenance from someone who is incapable of giving it?
The solution is simple. Find another Mother. Look for someone who will celebrate your triumphs, console you in your defeats and enjoy you as you are.
Don't waste your time, energy and and spirit trying to make a connection with a Mother who is an emotional wasteland. Biology does not a Mother make. Get off the pitty pot and go out and get what you need from someone who can give to you.
Stop playing top my tragedy and start taking care of yourself.
That's what a real Mom is telling you.

Max Sebora of WI 2:00PM September 27, 2008

Bob D-
I'm sorry to hear about your own experiences with your mother. It really sounds as if she has been putting you all through the ringer for years. I have one of these mothers, as well, but it's been years since I've spoken with her. I just got to the point where it was more harmful to be close to her than to mourn her loss, you know? I'm lucky in that my grandmother was more of a mother figure to me, and while definitely not perfect, much better than my own mother.
Just remember -- break the cycle and you've already gotten the best of the situation. Don't treat your children the way you were treated, and you're victorious. Know that there are more of us out here that have this in common with you than you know!
Good luck --

Theresa of MO 9:36PM September 25, 2008