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Spanking and Kids' Aggression: 3 Alternatives to Spanking That Work for Parents and Kids

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Well yes, I was spanked as a child and I did get a slap once or twice as a teen. I realize now that my parents (Nigerians) were raised to spank their kids, but as I got older I realized there had to be another way. I always wondered if I listened to my parents because of what they could do to me physically, or because I really respected them. The answer is I feared them and when they were and weren't there. Our relationship has since improved since my teenage years and I came to respect them more as i got older.
Yes I probably will smack my kids when they get out of line, but I know that there are positive and negative reinforcements such as a smile and hug for a job well done or extra playtime and lecturing as my child stands in the corner. (my father was excellent at that I used to beg him to spank me sometimes.)

Ayo of NJ 8:04PM September 16, 2010

I have my kid in time out one minute for every year she's achieved. She can "earn" extra minutes one at a time if she does not immediately go to her time out spot or calls out, "No!" I then join her and lecture her for the entirety of her time out. If she refuses to sit up and "look" like she's listening, she will earn another minute of me being extra boring and telling her the same thing over and over again. She has laid down on my lap with her butt in the air, asking me to spank her because talking takes too long. That's how I know lectures are more effective than spanking.

Jeff of IL 8:23PM September 02, 2010

parents who hit their kids don't deserve to have children

L of CA 12:14PM July 23, 2010

The first thing I noted is that Dr. Taylor is from New Orleans. I am a resident of the great state of Louisiana, I would not consider the results of any study done in N.O. as being "typical". The city is a real melting pot, but it has enough irresponsible residents to skew any study. Perhaps the increased violence is because of other lifestyles choices made by some of the study participants.
My wife and I use several discipline methods. Discusssion, positive reinforcement, distraction, time-outs, and sometimes spankings. Usually the spanking is for direct disobedience or in response to something dangerous they have been told not to do, and they do anyway. Our children are often complimented for their good behavior, without a tendency to violence.
Anyone else notice that with the decrease in discipline, that society is raising a generation of spoiled, disrespectful kids?

Ron of LA 3:40PM June 25, 2010

Do you remeber me?

registry cleaner of AL 6:08PM June 14, 2010

This is a really nice post. thanks for sharing

best Electronic Cigarette of AL 5:05AM June 07, 2010

You know what is amazing. How people make it there business to tell someone else how to raise their children. To spank or not to spank. Well, I do spank my child. There are different ways to spank without really hurting them. People call popping a hand beating a child. No people. Please lets be realistic here. I still don't beat him. My son is well behaved, loving, and very respectful. I have popped my son a total of maybe 5 times in his 7 years of life. I hit his hand saying no along with it. He learned very quick that I meant no and he better not do it again. I take toys away and give talks and punishment before we ever get to a beating. Now if he decided to continue to misbehave than a spanking is going to happen. Now with that said we don’t have to get to that point because he behaves. The other ways do work. I say no and take his TV away. He acts right and gets his things back. I still feel that no other person has a right to tell someone how to raise their children. Mind your own business. My mother raised me the same way. We talked all the time about things that I was not supposed to do. Sometimes I followed her directions and sometimes I disobeyed. I got a spanking and punished for a good two weeks. I wish she had just spanked me because then it would have been over with and I could go back and play. I love and respect my mother so your opinion is not only wrong but silly to say that a person hates their parents. The world now is crazy because these children are out of control. There is always someone telling you what to do and what not to do. Back in the day there were more kids out of trouble, graduating form school, and overall had more morals. They respected and listened to their elders but now since the control has been taken away from the parents everything has gone down hill. If a child doesn't like the way their mother ground them they can call a number and say " My mother hit me" and the parent will be arrested. Look up the static’s on how things are now with our children and how things were then. Think about what your saying and is it any of your business how someone else raises their child. Really! Try using Google and see what is really going on in this world of out of control teens.

chalonda of VA 1:35PM May 22, 2010

First of all James Dobson is a psychologist and has plenty of science to back up his opinion as well. To just write him off as "religious" really isn't a very informed comment. Read his opinion and why he believes it. He has studied much more than Catherine Taylor has on the topic.
Secondly, any form of discipline done in anger over time is going to be ineffective and produce the wrong results. If you give your kid a time out and don't take the time to sit down with him and help him correct his/her behavior with consistent consequences for wrong behavior and some good encouragement for good behavior then the discipline will be ineffective.
Thirdly, part of the problem with Catherine Taylor's experiment, which seems to be the watershed study on the topic right now, is establishing causality. How do you properly isolate spanking as the cause of the behavior and not other factors which could be many, beginning with watching violence on TV, lack of love in the home, eating too much sugar, hanging out with other kids who are very physical, or as Taylor wrote, stress in the home? The study says she took some issues into account but how did she factor these things in to the results and conclusions she drew from the study? To properly isolate this behavior is almost impossible. Notice that her study involved families from 20 large cities. Do you think there are any issues going on with families living in large cities which could effect the study? Your going to get different results if you do the study with a bunch of families living in downtown Detroit than you would if conducted the study in the suburbs or rural areas. Taylor's study by no means proves the point or provides the science necessary to make such a strong conclusion. I realize that part of the goal is to reduce child abuse especially in the intercity but too many people know by real life experience that the conclusions drawn from this study are not true.
Fourthly, I know lots of people who consistently discipline their kids using corporal punishment when necessary and those kids never translate that into, "Now I have the right to go hit someone else." Why? Because there really is a difference between spanking as a part of disciplining your kids and hitting them in a moment of frustration and anger. What I observe most often is that the kids who are out of control at the playground and hitting other kids are those without discipline. How do I know? By watching the parents reaction to the problem. It's clear who is in control and often it is not the parents.
Finally, we have spanked all four of our children (ages 5-11) and parents are always asking us at the playground, why do our kids listen to us when we ask them to do something? I've never seen any of our kids hit another child at the playground. I have seen other kids pull their hair, throw sand in their face and yet not retaliate at all. Maybe a good spanking isn't so bad after all?

Kurt of CA 3:55AM May 20, 2010

Wow, you just spouted pretty much every violent parent cliche imagineable.
1)Changing the heart of someone is quite authoritarian. Children are well meaning when they young. They only get spoiled when the parents acts aggressively.
2)When children disobey they want the the person in authority to pay attention to their needs. Also, there is nothing intrinsicly good about a person's authority; especially a parent's authority. Authority doesn't give a person a different set of moral rules to follow.
3)So you are willing to treat dolphins better than human children?
4)Yes, the officer is not going to give them positive reinforcement when they break the law. My question is if we raised them correctly why would they ever break the law? And two why does anyone ought to be exposed to anything? Clearly NO ONE should be exposed to sexual abuse when they are child yet for some reason we think they ought to be exposed to football, negative reinforcement, spanking, etc? I'm afraid you sir are making a completely arbitrary value judgement. There is no way you can objectively logically prove that anyone ought to be exposed to anything.
5)Yes, correcting children should be done with love and my parents who gave me time outs and spanked me have lost my love for them. I cannot remember a single time when I was put in time out or was spanked where my parents were trying to do something that was in my self-interest. Not one.
6)If children were not exposed to violence they would not treat their siblings such harshly. Kids do not "misbehave". They learn their behavior primarily from their parents instruction.
7)Children use anger to resolve disputes because their parents used anger to control them.
8)Children do not want rules to live by. Humans are selfish. Because humans are selfish we know a priori they do not want rules to live by. If children wanted rules to live by why would they ever disobey authority. If children want rules to live by why aren't they asking for an infinite number of regulation over their own bodies. Do you seriously have any logical reason for believe this or are you just repeating stupid rhetoric because it sounds good?
9)Selfishness is a good thing. The only thing you need to worry about is if they are completely disregarding your needs when they act in their self-interest.
10)Spanking is mean and violent! It severs your connection with your kids and will cause them to disobey you more. No one wants to give in to the demands and the self-righteous lectures of their abuser! Once you start getting violent and aggressive with your kids you shouldn't be surprised they do not want to listen to you, because those without virtue do not deserve respect!!

Dave Metric of TX 1:33PM April 22, 2010

Ask most rational people if it is ok to hit other human beings and the answer will be: NO.
Ask the same question, replacing the word hit with spank and human beings with children and all of a sudden it is a whole different reality.
So in this fantasyland: violence is ok and children aren't human.
No wonder most children become adults who worship state power and mob-rule (democracy).

Matthew of OR 8:40PM April 17, 2010