6 Ways Parents Can Help Kids Cope With Social Cruelty

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tell me real reasons why students should have longer recess and go suck it and stop being stupid b***hs and suck a d**k and if u a boy go get p***y and if u a girl go get some d**k

leilany of MD 11:47AM February 24, 2012

My daughter was bullied for her weight starting in elementary school. Even her math teacher treated her badly because she didn't look like a Barbie doll. She had excellent grades, but he still said that she didn't put enough effort into math and thus should not be allowed to go into the faster track in middle school. I contacted the school district and had her placed in the faster track anyway because she was just bored in regular math. But she had terrible self-doubts and was teased a lot in 6th grade. She had to go into counseling.
That's when my advice to her to be just herself really worked. She dyed her hair blue or red or purple, with stripes and dots all the way through 7th grade. She wore a hideous mullet and other odd haircuts. She was still teased, but about her hair. Now she felt she was in control because it was her choice to stick out. As a result, she was better able to focus on school and became a top student. I take blue hair, a temporary appearance, any time if that makes my child happy and an all-A student. Of course, I wouldn't have allowed her to get any permanent changes, like tattoos.

limana of MI 6:59AM May 04, 2010

At age four, my family moved into a large apartment complex in Chicago. I was the new kid in the neighborhood full of young children. I was also the only fat kid in the bunch, and became the target of ridicule from the entire mob. I maintained friendships with a few of the girls in a one on one basis, but when they all got together, I always visualize the horror in the "Lord Of The Flies". I was chased, hit, kicked, had stones thrown at me, hit with sticks, and one little darling tried to push me over a second story balcony.
There was one boy who was meaner than the rest, and the ringleader of the group of about ten children. My parents had no idea how to cope with all this, and now I was still only five. Then one day after a particularly bad episode, my father finally had it. A bunch of the kids were playing on the second story outdoor back porch of one of the units. My Father marched me over there, and had me ask the group if I could play too. Of course, I was refused, and the one nastier little boy started the name calling, and threw something at me . I was then instructed by my father to go upstairs and smack the kid who was the leader of the pack. Well, I hesitated, but I feared my dad more than the kid, so I did as I was told, and walked up to him and slammed him across his face, and turned around and went back downstairs.
It actually ended the bullying, and the boy I hit would come around and play like nothing ever happened, and never bothered me again.
This happened sixty years ago. I didn't ever hit anyone( except my little sister) again, and no one hit me either. I didn't become a bully because I had been bullied, and instead I would always be the one to stick up for the underdog. There are lessons to be through adversity if parents and councelors are wise enough to recognize them, and point them out to the child. I think that can be a better approach than allowing the child to feel like a helpless victim of a bad situation. I'm not advocating physically fighting their way through it, but to bring the bully and the victim together in a supervised confrontation to possible bring it to an end by letting the bully know there will be unpleasant consequences for his/her actions.

Carol of MD 12:11AM May 04, 2010

I was a fat kid and when my parents moved from Brooklyn (where I was teased 2X- exactly-- and had plently of buddies-- Brooklyn is a tolerate melting pot that I love) to Millstone NJ-- I hated my life, I had no friends, was tortured ALL THE time and even the teachers tortured me.
I homeschooled my kids primarily because I felt strongly that this should not be tolerated by the school, parent OR the CHILD!!..my kids 19 & 17 are both HS diploma holders and are in college doing great and have good friends and SELF ESTEEM-- something I fought the rest of my life to have because of all the mocking.
In 6th grade "Mrs Starita" (not real name) sat on her behind the second to last day of school while "Fred" started a "boom, boom, boom" as I walked across the room, shortly everyone joined in and that teacher DID NOTHING!!-- She should have been fired!! How dare a teacher let that happen to a 12 year old!
Then years later I saw NJ teachers using taxpayers money to advertise how great they are-- BALONEY! -- There are some great teachers in NJ and elsewhere -- but about 1/2 I had were not worth whatever they were paid.
If your child is going through this or you suspect they will-- DO NOT send them to PS-- get involved in their education as I did-- it has cemented us closer and I have 2 nearly grown children whi are creative, kind and smart!
--One more thing-- if I could go back to those nightmare days with who I am now I would beat the living CR*p out of ANY kid that mocked me-- they would FEAR ME!, not me fearing them-- to any one who says "it teaches the kid to handle life"-- I say NO it dosen't- esp when it is extreme, like I had..it distroys you for a very very long time.

Sally cartwright of NY 7:51PM March 06, 2010

This won't be popular, it's jut the truth. Our 13yr old son is constantly harassed, ridiculed, called gay, tampon. This is his 4th school change in 2 years. We are 53 yr old parents, my husband is a pilot, we both hold Master's degrees . But here is the clincher - I am a stay at home mom. Almost without exception, the kids who bully our children (this happened to our 22 and 25 yr old kids when they we in school too) grew up in day care. We raised our kids to be fair, moral, kind, empathetic. What they got in return at school was: street behavior. Take care of yourself because no one else will. Mean spirited comments because no one tells them it's wrong to verbally abuse each other. Children have been so cruel and vicious it's beyond the pale. Now with electronics, the texting, facebook posting and phone calls have elevated this disgusting behavior to a new level. You can't unteach what a child has learned since birth. Try telling a cocky punk in middle school that he shouldn't be texting "smack" about the new kid, and "please don't use all the explicit sexual comments.".....well he'll look at you kinda like a "pig looking at a wrist watch." America has a serious problem that's only getting worse. The moms & dads who are supposed to be molding our future -well they're too busy : paying for the big house, finding themselves, having a personal day, taking a break from the demons that they've spawned.

T Lansford of CO 7:21AM February 09, 2010

I have a CCW permit for the simple reason there aren't enough police to cover me when I'm out and about and at home the state police response time is appox 20 minutes and the closest neighbors are a quarter of a mile away if they are home at that time. Our crime rate at the closest city is up 15 percent in 2009 due to gang violence and teens mugging and robbing people walking in town especially in the daylight hours and they even brag to the detectives that they are doing it because they feel it gives them street credibility or some such psycho-babel. Thank goodness in this state I'm allowed to use my carry weapon to protect my life. I once had a teener tell me I didnt have enough bullets LOL. These people have no fear because asses like you want to disarm all law abiding folks so only the criminals have a weapon. Here is an update to the thugs and juvenile delequents....its not like in the movies....I carry a 1911 type 45 caliber ACP 1 bullet in any part of your worthless body means you will bleed out before the ambulance arrives. Good news for us plain folks. Ohhhhh by the way I was the brunt of bullies i was one of the nerds and I was beat kicked and verbally abused as a good kid. And I didnt get a weapon or a CCW until i was 50 years old and realised that I'm too old to keep my self safe against the criminals. I also compete in IDPA competitions to stay sharp. If most ordinary folkes carried a CW the world would be a more civilized place. Just my thoughts.....stay safe...

bill r of PA 1:17PM February 07, 2010

They are buying guns and ammo, getting concealed-carry permits and lobbying for more legal permission to pack the heat wherever they go. If a parent is doing these things in "adult" life, WHAT do you suppose that says to the kids about how to cope with social cruelty?

Muser of NM 11:11PM February 06, 2010

I read this with great interest, having been the object of bullying and teasing and having had a child who has been targeted endlessly. Thank you for these suggestions. I would like to add that if a child has a right brain disability, such as Asperger's syndrome or NLD, which very often cannot be diagnosed early, children need to get help from a counsellor to learn the skills which will help them cope. A child with a right brain dysfunction cannot process social information in the same way that "normal" kids do, because the wiring on that area is very often broken. Consequently, simple suggestions will not work; they need to actually learn these skills in a way which is different than most people. Unfortunately, recent research has shown that children who are diagnosed with right brain disabilities will increase by 600% over the next 10 years. Parents should be cognizant of this fact because these children are targeted the most often since they are "an easy target." Peer support groups for these lids are wonderful, as is tapping into the local chapter of your learning disabilities association. The good news is that once the problem is identified, the solutions are not complicated and a plan may be put into place to help parents and teachers work together to solve the problem.

M. Salvati 9:38PM February 06, 2010

I agree- fight back- Bullies flourish without censure. And teach your kids how you save them is how you kill them- or incapacitate them-
Airway Breathing Circulation and Nut Crunch

LC of NM 9:23PM February 06, 2010