Boys Miss Out on Sex Education Talks With Parents

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HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Clint of TN 10:27PM March 23, 2010

Emily of NY importantly observes that the study assumes different messages should be given girls and boys, messages described by the author in the first paragraph of the blog. Emily point out that these messages lie along stereotypical, and possibly not constructive, lines. Maybe the study's conclusions are flawed because assumptions like these are so flawed that no statistics on their delivery are important to the discussion.
When I try to recall my adolescence as a young male, unfortunately a very long time ago, condoms were only a very small part of what I wish I had been told. I certainly wanted to know more about finding love and the right person.
So that leaves me now questioning what beyond these simplistic and stereotypical messages should I want to give my children, especially boy children, given what I lacked when I was a young man and what I know now. A very good question I am struggling with.

Derek of WA 11:22PM December 08, 2009

What I have a hard time understanding is: why the emphasis on boys not being taught "safe sex" practices and girls not being taught how to "resist" sex? Doesn't this play into the old stereotype that women/girls suffer from a lack of sexual desire, and that boys' urges are natural and expected?
Truth is, both boys and girls need to be taught lessons on avoiding STDs, pregnancy, and waiting until they are emotionally ready to commit to sexual activity. Teaching them to play into these old assumptions (not acknowledging sexual desire girls feel, and not assuming all boys feel the same level of desire) only furthers the psychological quagmire we as a culture have formulated around sex.

Emily of NY 10:59AM December 08, 2009

The best relationships that teenage boys will ever have with teenage girls is when the boy sets the "limits" and signals it to the girl that he is under self-control. Then she is free to express her natural desire for the harmless kinds of intimacy with him---knowing she is protected from being asked to go too far. Girls love it---young ones anyway. This is something Dad can teach and talk about to son.
I explained this to my son at about sixth or seventh grade. You want a girl to be the hottest kisser you can imagine? When you get past the first kiss, tell her you loved that and whisper a promise in her ear that you won't ever try to take her to where she needs to say "no". Then keep your promise. Fathers can talk about this kind of stuff with the boys, and we should. You are quite correct that many of them are hungry for relationship advice.

Muser of NM 1:26AM December 08, 2009

Muser of NM - I like your ideas about making sure your boys know they are the most educated among their friends and not leaving anything out. I think that is a big help.
I still have a problem with the negativity. I think boys want to know how to go about having relationships and to learn about their place in them. No one talks about that.

Derek of WA 12:39AM December 08, 2009

for fathers is not merely to talk the boys into using condoms, although that topic has its place inside a far larger discussion. The "goal" for fathers is to talk the young single boys into not using the young single girls---and the dozens of reasons why not.
Most dads are way behind the curve on this, but the ones who are successful are the ones who are 100% shockingly honest with sons about EVERYTHING Dad knows about girls, love, sex, feelings, and the religious aspects if you can. EVERYTHING. (Yes, the solo stuff, too--- OF COURSE---for self-management of hornyness)
Got nerve, Dad? Get on with it. You'll never be sorry, because there is no such thing as too much truth---as long as it's truth, and there is no such thing as starting too early. No bull allowed. Your son will bond with you for merely knowing that you tried your heart out to make him the best "educated" kid in school and did not EVER leave him "behind" other boys' jabbering and/or apparent knowledge. If you can steer your kid clear of the dramas of diseases, "affairs", pregnancies, abortions and future divorces, then you are one wise dude.

Muser of NM 12:24AM December 08, 2009

Usual news about the difficulty of talking to your children about sex. Important tidbit is statistic on parents' giving no information to boys, more to girls. No idea why.
The study, as reported by the author in the last sentence of the first paragraph, defines what should be given boys is information on using condoms. Continuing in the same sentence, the author reports the study defines what should be given girls is information on resisting sex.
I doubt what the study defines is information should be given to boys will occur in a positive discussion. That discussion would most likely be all about the negative consequences of child support and be given in the negative social environment around male sexuality, when what boys most want to hear how to go about establishing relationships. It is understandable that parents delay or avoid discussions that would lay such a negative trip on their young boys.
I can imagine the information the study deems should be given to girls, how to resist having sex, is more easily be couched in positive language, like how special you are, wait for the right one, etc. And the more positive environment around female sexuality would make the discussion much easier. It is understandable that such a positive discussion will more likely occur.
Possibly a root cause?

Derek of WA 12:07AM December 08, 2009