The Trouble With Boys: What Parents Can Do

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Please..........
Boys are very different than girls and our schools had better change or we are all in trouble. I am an executive women in the construction industry and have been treated very well by the men.I also make the same pay as my male counterparts.I have three sons and have seen how the schools are more in line to teaching the girls than the boys.PE is maybe three times a week, recess time is minimal. My sons Teacher's wanted to hold two of my boys behind in 1st grade because they were immature. I did not agree so they were not held back. Both sons now make straight A's. Boy, I am glad I did not listen to their teachers! One teacher even said that if i held him back he would be better at athletics because he would have been bigger than the other boys.
I have also seen a big change in the girls at schools. Have you seen what they wear to school? Have you listened to how much cussing they do? Have you seen how sexual they become at earlier ages? Have you seen how the Women's Prison's are expanding at a much higher rate than Men's prisons? Have you heard that the most common high school graduation gift to girls from their parents, is breast enlargement surgeries. It's not the girls faults, its their parents!!!The parents are teaching them the wrong priorities. The female bullies in school are much more vicious than the boys could ever be.

of TX 4:55PM February 01, 2010

Shut up about the leggo..Boys dominate Wall Street, they dominate all museusm, they get paid 100 to every 77 cents a girl makes.... the problem is with MOMS OF BOYS. Get over it. It is not OK to kick or punch someone else. this is not just BOY behavior even if it is YOUR boy behavior. I am so sick of the apoligists for bad behavior.. it is not normal for boys to act like pigs, punching, and kicking, and raping are not OK. Give it up. Girls are not threatening your poor little babies, your are suffocating them with your actions - it is not okay to act up, talk out, ETC in class. Not okay in 1950s, and not OK now. Just shut off your kids video games, (often violent, not "boy oriented" but VIOLENT) - admit how many hours a week your kids plays, and accept you are to blame... it is NOT OKAY. Stop lying to yourself.

of 8:00PM December 18, 2009

In fact lots of civil behavior comes from boys..Those who can not act civilly do not need to be given an out - it is not okay parents. Most boys are fine - no one is trying to make your boys girls, just civil. Maybe try the local water??? It may just not be the school, the teachers, the socieity. IT COULD BE the video games - but you may have to admit to them....

Jean Benstyon of IN 6:32PM November 25, 2009

I have read this wonderful book. Every page I read I see my 9 year old son. I have teachers/principals/friends recommend I put him on medication, because he is the little mechanical that is now expected in our schools. He is an intelligent, bright boy with alot of energy. Rather embracing that energy, I get notes home that he will not sit still, that during 'circle time' he is distracted. Books that are definitely geared towards girls are read and discussed. I (a true tomboy myself) am even bored with the subject matter. So what do we do? Complaining is not making changes. Are there groups? Programs? Where do parents go to discuss? We are not alone. Just get into a room of mothers of other boys and the 1st brave soul to admit the problems their is having, you hear the same story over and over again.

Denise Coppage of DE 8:01AM January 27, 2009

is that teachers treat them like girls.
my boy always has hated drawing. he thinks three dimentionally.
but in grade school, how many times did he hear this directive?: ok boys and girls, when you're done with the work sheet, you can color in the picture.
that was a disincentive to him.
instead, he should have been offered a baggie of legos. he would have builta focket ship to the moon with them.
i mentioned this to his teacher and she just smiled.

ann of OH 2:17PM January 13, 2009

A couple of more good books on this subject written by Leonard Sax, M.D, Ph.d, are Boys Adrift and Why Gender Matters. As a teacher in a public school system I am convinced that our BEST teachers need to be teaching kindergarten and early elementary where they understand the differences and let boys learn to read when they are developmentally ready. If this were to happen I believe there would be fewer boys who would learn so young to hate school. When we ask 5 yr old boys to read, it would be like asking a 3 yr old girl to read.

Rachel Pallesen of MN 11:34AM October 31, 2008

I agree that we are doing our boys a disservice in our schools. All kids need to get out and do things with their bodies, but especially boys. Even in middle school (or especially in middle school) they need to have a purpose for all that energy, and all that social urge. My theory is that during elementary school they need to do as much as possible using the discovery technique, and by middle school they need to only sit in class for half the day, then get out and do community service, something physically demanding that has value to the community they live in. Maybe Habitat for Humanity or something of that nature. go work on a farm, develop a garden in the city, repaint an apt building, make signs that bring joy to someone in the neighborhood, something that connects them to the other people and to their larger world and to the earth.
Not just boys, girls need it too, to connect and really make a difference. then write and do science around that experience, math lends itself to outside experiences, too. Even kids who live in the coldest parts of the country can do this stuff in the winter, it won't hurt them to get cold and learn to work hard, and play hard, and go through adversity and come out of it more confident and having had the opportunity to help in some way. Not all of us belong to churches, so we don't always have a community that is already doing service, why not let the middle school kids have a crack at it?! Teaching to the test only creates adequate test takers, not learners!

kim of OR 12:41AM October 17, 2008

"The only trouble w/ boys is that they are not girls. " Amen. I am not going to say that some girls also don't get what they need in school--of course some don't . Nonetheless, I watched my 13 year old boy and the 15 other boys in his 7th grade class last year experience the worst gender discrimination and treatment possible because they are boys, not girls. This teacher ( female) made frequent sexist remarks, gave preferential treatment to the girls and criminalized the boys' normal behaviors at every opportunity. My astute son asked me why they were being treated so badly and unfairly for behaving as normal boys. This teacher also accused the boys of sexual harassment on the basis of a claim made by a very troubled girl, where little investigation was done, and where the accusations turned out to be meritless and harmful to all of the children, boy and girls alike. My son was filled with anxiety and unhappiness the whole year, as were the bulk of the boys. As one boy said "I just try to lay low and stay out of her radar".
The group of boys in this class were:
bright ( almost all classified as gifted, though the class was not specifically for gifted children)
caring
intellectually curious
compassionate
well behaved
... a dream group to teach.
But because they were active boys , acting like normal, GOOD boys, they were constantly accused of "bad" behavior and they suffered terribly.
The school did nothing to help the boys or stop this teacher from how she was treating the boys ( everyone knew: the school counselor said she was aware of the teacher's behaviors but refused to intervene, other teachers were also well aware and the assistant principle said yeah, I know, but please just ask your son to try to work with her), so the boys felt that no one was protecting them and this teacher was given carte blanche and her treatment of the boys tacitly condoned.
Happily this year, with a different , fair, non -sexist teacher, who knows how to work with boys and girls, school life is much better and my son is thriving. But the "lessons" of last year were/are so painful.

meg of CA 5:40PM October 09, 2008

I was fortunate enough to be trained in creative Drama in the Early 70's. During the brief time I was allowed to teach Creative Drama, I could see the expressive nature of boys and the intense reflection of girls. I did not have desks or chairs in my room, but I did have lots of "stuff" to be creative with. The results were interesting. The teacher who taught the students after Creative Drama was always impressed with how attentive the students were in his class. While Creative Drama to onlookers may look like a great disorganized play time, it is a serious educational process that has specific learning objectives and outcomes. Each lesson is used to illustrate a specific attribute of the "human condition", plus it can be used to explore and illustrate learning outcomes in math, science, social studies, and others.
I say this because creative drama in schools has been sacrificed alongside recess and PE. Creative Drama has demonstrated its ability to let boys explore being boys and girls explore being girls, plus give each of them the opportunity to explore and empathize. Just have the students do a short scene, as if they were the other gender and the differences become apparent.
I have not taught creative drama to young people for the past 25 years, as I now teach the boys and girls who fell out of the system and are now adults with barriers to academic success - many due to the ongoing "factory model" school.

Dan Danforth 12:17PM October 09, 2008

I face this issue with my nine year old everyday. It got to the point where I had him removed to an alternate school. The techers in the first school wanted him to fit into their mold and do exactly what everyone was doing. This behavior made me eveluate my own teaching style. Forget if you are differsnt or expressive you won't fit the mold in school.

Julie Hancher of IL 1:24PM September 19, 2008