More on Spanking: the Side Effects

Reader Comments
Back to blog

I was spanked as a kid. It scared me and I hated it. My father didn't do things for my own good or to teach a lesson, he did it cuz he was pissed and had no one else to blame it on. The first man I ever slept with, had me playfully laying over his lap. I made some derogatory remark about his cousin. He swatted by butt and not in play. He chastised me and gave me another swat. I was aroused and a little apprehensive. But we broke up before I explored my desires any further. I played around a couple of times with other boyfriends, nothing serious. But my husband and I have been practicing domestic discipline for 3years.(we've been married for seven and it was my idea.) We do play around with spanking during or before sex. But most of the time, I'm spanked for discipline and there is nothing fun about it. I don't fear him like I did my dad. Instead, I feel nervous, and apprehensive but never afraid of him. He never spanks me out of anger and I am only spanked for my wrong doings, especially if they effect our finances, my safety, our family as a whole, or our personal relationship with each other. I think my obsession with spankings wether they are for pleasure or discipline, isn't because I was spanked as child, but because I was looking for a father figure to touch me like that out of love and concern for me, not just because he thought I was a hindrance or a nuisance and I just got in the way. He was harder on my little brother and my brother hates him. He talks to him about twice a year. So my opinion on spankings for kids are mixed. But my opinion on spanking an adult, if it works for them, then give it to them, and let them take it.

Heather of OH 4:20PM March 06, 2012

I think it's pretty narrow minded for previous commenters to proclaim that it's ridiculous that the author points out there is a correlation between being spanked as a child and developing a spanking fetish as an adult. There's living proof. I'm living proof. I know exactly what made me this way, and it floors me that people are proclaiming it can't be true just because it hasn't happened to them. The worst part is that this anonymous comment is the closest I'll ever come to speaking out about this little sexual issue I've developed because its so embarrassing to me. Don't spank your kids. If they're anything like me, no matter how much they love you, they'll never fully be able to forgive you.

Lindsay of MA 4:26AM January 19, 2012

Spanking is not an attack, it's a way to communicate to a child that something is not okay! A parent doesn't spank to injure or hurt the child in any way, but enough to cause some pain that will teach the child that what they've done is wrong. Spanking is the most effective way to teach right and wrong. Telling a toddler what's right and what's wrong is absolutely useless.

Travis Vincent of MI 1:07PM September 20, 2011

i think spanking is good in some cases. You just have to know when it is abuse.

lil rai of AK 4:55PM April 12, 2011

The anger in your comment would seem to support the fact that spanking does create anger in individuals who were spanked.

Pam of CA 6:33PM September 23, 2010

Well, I can tell you otherwise, from my own experience.
My parents were loving and caring, teaching me about God and Jesus. I am now a believer in Jesus Christ, following Him, my life surrendered to Him.
But guess what? I was spanked quite a bit, often without anger in my parents, and them loving me. But you know what? Now I have sexual problems, and the only way for my husband to arouse me would be to spank me. I remember being 7 years old, in my own room, spanking myself to arouse myself. Where did that come from? I certainly was not sexually abused. But spanked, on the butt? Oh yes.
It came to the point where I would act out in my elementary school classes, in the hope that the teacher would spank me. And I normally was an obedient, good student.
Nowadays? Spanking arouses me and I crave it in order to get aroused. Correlation doesn't always mean causation, but please, looking at the facts of what happened to me as a child and how it has affected me in my adult years, yeah....I definitely see proof at least in me, that spanking and getting hit as a child can indeed lead one to develop sexual masochistic feelings.

Anonymous Married Woman of CT 5:43AM June 13, 2010

Any God that I believe in, or raise my children to believe in would never permit a human being to hit a child for any reason. Treat others as you yourself would want to be treated. A child who is learning how to behave should be taught by example. Spanking is an adult form of a temper tantrum. There are many successful methods of parenting in which a child can develop with a sense of moral decency without being beaten into submission. I know many wonderful Christians who would never lay a hand on their child in anger and to use the bible as a source of cause to abuse a child to make them obey is perposterous. Parents who love their children educate them in a loving manner to show them how to treat other human beings. Maybe Ms. Mental Health in Kansas got into the field she is in as a result of how she was raised. Take away the TV that is providing negative and aggressive education to children, take away violent video games and spend your time teaching your children how to behave by setting a good example.

Mother of 3 of MN 3:44PM February 24, 2010

Oh please! for the love of God, get over yourselves! The Bible clearly says- as written by King Solomon, Train up a child in the way in which he should go, and he will not depart from it when old. And Spare the rod spoil the child! SO those of you that have out of control, hoodlums and delinquents that you whine about, blame yourselves for YOUR parental ineptitude and refusal to honor God's word about what HE says about spanking! MY late father spanked me, and I grew to be a moral, productive adult working in the mental health field.

Genita Love of KS 9:37AM December 09, 2009

WHAT?
The more kids were spanked the more likely they were to develop an interest in sadomasochism? Give me a break. That's a real stretch, and I certainly do NOT believe that there is a real cause-effect relationship between spanking and sexual behavior.
Who's to say that something else may cause the interest in S&M? How do you know it wasn't the result of eating peanut butter and jelly sandwiches?

Wouldn't you like to know of TX 1:40PM September 21, 2009

spanking is wrong i disagree with it very strongly. some children cant handle the effect it leaves on them. the pain that spanking gives leads to anger. i am 16 i was spanking up until last year it wasnt that bad then of course but it still left a mark. pats on the butt dont really hurt and u get the point but a wooden spoon made it worse. dont use objects and dont swing hard. dont repidadly spank over and over again. if the child fights back dont hit them harder. just put them in a timeout. i am actually scared of people hurting me and if someone yells at me i burst in tears.

emma ryals of FL 4:29PM June 13, 2009