Praise a Child Right, and You'll Get Results

Works well for relationships of all kinds.

Treat your spouse, pets, co-workers, neighbors, service people, and friends with respect and SINCERE enthusiasm for what they do that you like, and they will want to be around you more, please you, and they will care what you think and want. Wouldn't you want to be treated the same way? I think this used to be called the "Golden Rule".

SLL of GA 10:15AM April 12, 2011

Are you connecting with your child when you exchange exaggerated expressions of approval for his compliance to your wishes? Are you teaching him the value of picking up his room, or are you teaching him the value of complying with your authority. When this child leaves home will you be satisfied that he has the self reliance and judgement to make his way independently? Will he be resilient and capable of handling real world situations? Or will he expect the world to give him a "high five" every day? Just askin'..

I feel that only through seeking a deep connection with our children can we hope to give them the tools to thrive later. Empathy, emotional intelligence, and connection are the watchwords. Instead of a time out--TIME IN! You can't reason with toddlers--their brains aren't developed yet. Yelling and screaming (let alone physical violence) only breed distrust and further violence.

Model the behavior you desire in your child. Whatever you want--kindness, intelligence, even hygiene!--just model it. What a blessing to have a kid who's patient having learned this skill from his folks!

jonathan of CA 7:44PM April 16, 2010

Let me 1st say that I like this article and it does give some great advice. All children want praise from their loved ones and giving them overly enthusiastic praise is probably best for any young child (under10).

Now let me get to my problem with this article and any article about not hitting a child (they all advocate the same thing as a first alternative to spanking). The beloved time-out. Its not breaking news or anything but time-outs don't work and they're an utter waste of time. You cannot treat a 3 year old or a 10 year old for that matter like an adult. Children don't have the abilities to understand the deeper meaning of things. Young children behave badly because they are frustrated or upset because things didn't go their way which often leads to temper tantrums or swearing and/or physical violence. Heck even adults often have difficult times reflecting on bad behavior(why else are our prisons full of repeat offenders). To give the child a time-out and ask them to be an adult and reflect on what they did is being irresponsible and foolish in my opinion. Treat a child like a child until they start behaving like they are not 1.

I don't advocate physical violence of any kind not adult to adult, nor child to child, or child to adult, and definitely not adult to child. If someone resorts to physical violence it means they have ran out of ideas (a.k.a. Stopped Thinking!). I think we need to find an alternative to spanking that doesn't ever involve the useless practice of a time-out. Every child that has ever had a time-out (me included) lied about thinking it out and understanding what we did was wrong. It was funny to me that my parents bought it everytime hook line and sinker. What do they expect children to say no I have a lot more thinking to do until I get it, NOT! LOL! Don't think for a minute that time-outs do 1 bit of good. So we need a more appropriate form of discipline/punishment for a child. I am open to suggestions. Please only non-physical and non-psychological damaging advice .

Thanks, JKAY

JKAY of MI 2:41AM April 16, 2010