The 'Silent Phenomenon' of Male Sexual Abuse

My name is Keith Smith. At the age of 14, I was abducted, beaten and raped by a stranger. It wasn't a neighbor, a coach, a relative, a family friend or teacher. It was a recidivist pedophile predator who spent time in prison for previous sex crimes; an animal hunting for victims in the quiet suburbs of Lincoln, Rhode Island.

I was able to identify the guy and the car he was driving. He was arrested and indicted but never went to trial. His trial never took place because he was brutally beaten to death in Providence before his court date. 34 years later, no one has ever been charged with the crime.

In the time between the night of my assault and the night he was murdered, I lived in fear. I was afraid he was still around town. Afraid he was looking for me. Afraid he would track me down and kill me. The fear didn’t go away when he was murdered. Although he was no longer a threat, the simple life and innocence of a 14-year-old boy was gone forever. Carefree childhood thoughts replaced with the unrelenting realization that my world wasn’t a safe place. My peace shattered by a horrific criminal act of sexual violence.

Over the past 34 years, I’ve been haunted by horrible, recurring memories of what he did to me. He visits me in my sleep. There have been dreams–nightmares actually–dozens of them, sweat inducing, yelling-in-my-sleep nightmares filled with images and emotions as real as they were when it actually happened. It doesn’t get easier over time. Long dead, he still visits me, silently sneaking up from out of nowhere when I least expect it. From the grave, he sits by my side on the couch every time the evening news reports a child abduction or sex crime. I don’t watch America’s Most Wanted or Law and Order SVU, because the stories are a catalyst, triggering long suppressed emotions, feelings, memories, fear and horror. Real life horror stories rip painful suppressed memories out from where they hide, from that recessed place in my brain that stores dark, dangerous, horrible memories. It happened when William Bonin confessed to abducting, raping and murdering 14 boys in California; when Jesse Timmendequas raped and murdered Megan Kanka in New Jersey; when Ben Ownby, missing for four days, and Shawn Hornbeck, missing for four years, were recovered in Missouri.

Despite what happened that night and the constant reminders that continue to haunt me years later, I wouldn’t change what happened. The animal that attacked me was a serial predator, a violent pedophile trolling my neighborhood in Lincoln, Rhode Island looking for young boys. He beat me, raped me, and I stayed alive. I lived to see him arrested, indicted and murdered. It might not have turned out this way if he had grabbed one of my friends or another kid from my neighborhood. Perhaps he’d still be alive. Perhaps there would be dozens of more victims and perhaps he would have progressed to the point of silencing his victims by murdering them.

Out of fear, shame and guilt, I’ve been silent for over three decades, sharing my story with very few people. No more. The silence has to end. What happened to me wasn't my fault. The fear, the shame, the guilt have to go. It’s time to stop keeping this secret from the people closest to me, people I care about, people I love, my long-time friends and my family. It’s time to speak out to raise public awareness of male sexual assault, to let other survivors know that they’re not alone and to help survivors of rape and violent crime understand that the emotion, fear and memories that may still haunt them are not uncommon to those of us who have shared a similar experience.

My novel, Men in My Town, was inspired by these actual events. Men in My Town is available now at www.Amazon.com

For those who suffer in silence, I hope my story brings some comfort, strength, peace and hope.

For additional information, please visit the Men in My Town blog at www.meninmytown.wordpress.com

Keith Smith of NJ 5:26PM December 03, 2009

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Lmvzdjkt of IA 5:23PM July 13, 2009

xwDpMl Armchair sightseeing, with links to many famous places and landmarks

Armchair of ID 5:56AM June 28, 2009

Nobody much cares what happens to males in our society. Men are disposable creatures and the subject of bashing and ridicule by females.

Kick him in the groin just for fun and see his reaction! This will be awsome because he can't fight back or I'll turn him in for battery. Equality when it suits me at it's best.

How many times have I seen that happen on tv or in a movie in a non life threatening situation? (The only time such an act should ever be done to a guy.)

What would happen to a guy if he made a female sterile from a similar move just for kicks and giggles? I wonder if everyone would laugh at her? Ha Ha, you're not able to have kids now!

I had a first grade female teacher who hated boys very much. The boys would be verbally abused almost daily. Not so for the girls in my class though. Adults in the community didn't seem concerned because I think boys are seen as trouble makers and deserving of punishment. I was shaken and verbally abused many times just for being there. I was a very docile child and never caused any trouble ever. I think my quietness gave her even more incentive to pick on me even more. No one cared because children are afraid to say anything. Especially boys in my childhood era of the mid seventies. Not sure about how things are now. I remember my mom saying years later that my first grade teacher ruined me because I was never the same kid after that year.

Moe of IA 9:52PM May 01, 2009