Step 3, Part 1: Size Up a Nursing Home by Visiting

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To Miss June Marie Abbott:
You sound like a wonderful, caring person. I'm sorry I cannot help you as I don't live in your state or near you but I just wanted to write a note to say I do care about you from your lovely email. It's awful you feel such terror but perhaps you could get a doctor to give you anti-anxiety pills which you could take on an as needed basis, to calm you down when you start to feel the fear.
Also if you posted an email address, perhaps some readers would write you emails and those exchanges could pick up your spirits.
Since you love animals, maybe you could call a local shelter and offer to foster a cat, if you can't take care of a dog, and let them know it is only on a temporary basis and someone should check in on you and the cat a few times a week to make sure you are both okay.
Good luck to you, June. I hope you will get through these days being able to bypass the feelings of fear. Sharing the love you obviously have in your heart with an animal might be better than being in a nursing home. But you also need people with whom to interact and there may be a local religious organization or an animal rescure group who could put you in touch with someone you could speak with every day to help cheer you up and make you feel less lonely.
All the best.
A reader

A reader of NY 8:15PM October 05, 2010

On 7/28 I turned 52. I am in the "end end stage" of liver failure and also have COPD. Most of my family is dead. Though I get some visits from Hospice staff; I am so, so alone and full of terror. I cannot find a good nursing home without an incredibly long waiting list. I can't find any Caregiver Homes that have a bed available. I have never had any human kids. I do not have many friends and none that would consider being a Caregiver Home. I am not a bad person. I've made some very bad decisions in my early twenties. I would give a person the shirt off my back; listen to them; laugh and cry with them and hug them as long as they don't hurt me. I love animals with a passion. I have been having what I call "terror fits" where I get so terrorified, I cry for days. It is because I am so alone and scared to be alone. I have contacted Governor Duval's office, but since I only have SSDI, SSI, Section 8, food stamps, Medicare and HassHealth, there is nothing out there to help me. It is starting to get to be dusk and I already feel the fear starting. Please, Please, someone tell me you know what I should do!! I can't keep going through this! PLEASE, PLEASE HELP ME!!

June Marie Abbott of MA 7:16PM August 04, 2010

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jazzybrews of IA 6:08AM April 24, 2010

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caddagump of IA 6:07AM April 24, 2010

My mom has been in a nursing home full time for the last 7 months due to her increasing dementia. It was a very hard decision but we could not keep her safe at home and my 83 year old father could not provide all the care (they had help in for a while but she always wanted my dad).
Now it seems the nursing home cannot keep her safe.We have had at least 3 issues regarding her safety. I want to get the word out about those wardrobes. My mother, confined to her wheelchair was reaching in the wardrobe to pull something off a hangar and pulled the whole wardrobe over on her foot!!! This is a woman that is too weak and feable to go to the bathroom alone or cut her own food. The nursing home felt bad but called her accident. She did not break her foot but ended up with a large hematoma that opened and then began seeing a specialist at the local wound clinic. I truly feel they should have stepped up and paid for her medical bills. They have now secured the wardrobe to the wall - thank God.
I do feel this is a nursing home hazard that other families should be made aware of. If my mom can do this others will too -they are top heavy.
The majority of the staff are attentive but communication is poor.

Sue Savinsky of OH 9:57PM February 23, 2010

Medicare requires that you take the first available bed in a facility after "three midnights" in a hospital. After treated for a fall and subsequent infection, my dear mother left a hospital 10/4/09 to a national corporation's rehab/nursing facility. I now learned that they have changed the names of their facilities (taken their corporate name off their signs and literature due to an increasingly bad reputation). My mom went in using a walker and eating well. Mom refused physical rehab, mostly because of dementia, but the "PT professionals" did not want to work with her dementia. As I was her layperson caregiver for the last year, I asked during a care plan meeting what they do with the obviously aging population already in the home that have or develop dementia and need OT or PT. No response for me, but a transfer to their "other facility" later that week. Unfortunately, no vacancies at surrounding homes. Fast forward to Thanksgiving. Two complaints following injuries sutained in the home that were dismissed for lack of evidence. Mom now paying 10k a month, overly medicated, fully wheelchair bound and not eating well. The perfect patient! What a sad state of affairs for all involved. An independent medical review concludes that her inability to walk and the need for the wheelchair is unrelated to her dementia and medication is excessive. Happy New Year to my "sandwich generation." If you read this, please know that you are not alone if you have similar experience. It is too late for lawyers and I am looking towards Hospice. I adore my wonderful mother and see her every time I can. Three months from walking, eating and smiling to waiting to die in a nursing home. God have mercy on all of us.

Richard Gailing of NH 3:29PM January 10, 2010

My mom is in a 5 star rehab. Over last weekend her caretaker complained, when getting her into a chair with help, that my mom was 250 pounds of "dead weight", that the caretaker was "tired of this job" and that she had " 2 more years till retirement" My mom called 3 times for the bedpan, the last call was by my brother over the phone. My mom also asked for her wig(an important item for her self esteem), and that same caretaker said "it was not her time" for care and refused to hand it to her. My mom was afraid of retaliation and asked me not to report it. Even though she is 92 she is as sharp as can be her fatal illness leaves her weak, without an appetite and edematous. She is NOT 250 pounds.
I went ahead and called the administrator who was very responsive and called back in a timely manner. She promised to look in every day and supervise the matter.
I add that I am a medical professional.

Karen Ocker of NJ 9:22AM August 18, 2009

Most nursing homes charge between $6,000 and $7,000 for a resident or patient to live in an 8' x 10' space for the rest of their lives. Most regulators know that is about half the space that is really required for a bedfast long term patient. A bariatric bed is about 7' x 4'. That is 28 square feet of the total of 80. There are two pads required, one on each side of the lowered bed to protect a person when they fall from bed. That takes almost the entire space alotted. There is usually a feeding tray that is a hazard if placed on the mats by the bed. A night stand is mentioned in most standard, but in the case of a bariatric bed there is no room. A chair would be nice, but again if placed on the pads it poses a hazard. Most facilities are now "no lift" facilities so a four wheeled hoist is brought in to lift a patient. You can not safely manuver that lift in the small area given to each patient to live in. The tine 2' x 2 1/2' wardrobe in my mothers room is supposed to hold all her clothes, her blankets, shoes, and other items. It can't. Legislation is needed ASAP to rectify this. There should also be legislation to require a healthy diet for nursing home residents. For example one that meets the standard of the USDA food pyramid. Instead the main staple in many nursing homes is instant mashed potatoes, with carrots being a high second choice. There are a lot of dressing or stuffing dishes along with casseroles that use a great deal of day old bread. All this is cheap food to maximize the profit of corporations like Genesis. State standard mention things like palatable and attractive when describing food requirements but no mention of the words "healthy diet". Since a very high percentage of nursing home residents are suffering from dementia, these greedy corporations don't get a lot of complaints from them.

George Douglas of PA 8:52PM May 06, 2009