Why We Lie, or Rather, Fib
Reader Comments
911 TRUTH
the white house lied, the government lied, and YOU the
corporate media lied, especially when we focus on 911 Truth.
America needs to WAKE THE @!#* UP!!!
let's see if you have the courage to post this.
an ex-girlfriend...
I will never forget the LIE that my ex said to people...she had beautiful black hair (filipina by blood, but raised in America) and she decided to cut it and was going
to donate it to "Locks of Love." She told a friend of ours that she did donate it, when
in fact it was still in her dresser drawer. After we split (after more lies, differences, and deceptions), I checked her on it and she stated, "That doesn't mean I'm a bad person!"
After some time, I believe she did finally donate her hair...I believe it was out of guilt, not truly "coming from the heart."
Her new man can have her...I thought it was a pathetic lie coming from a pathetic person.
WHY ON EARTH WOULD YOU SAY YOU DONATED YOUR HAIR TO CANCER VICTIMS, KNOWING FULL WELL YOU NEVER DID?
Gendered reasons for lying...
The author says "women are more likely to lie to make a person feel better. Men, on the other hand, tend to lie to make themselves look better." At first glance, we may read this and think, ugh, men! But in reality, lying to make someone "else" feel better is also to make the lier feel better. The reason women tell lies which make others feel better is to help themselves, ie, they don't want to be seen as mean or spiteful. As much as I wish I could say that my gender is truly selfless, we are not. We lie to get ourselves out of uncomfortable situations. Though I do agree w/one poster who said that there is always ways of being tactful w/the truth. Lying is never acceptable (except to save a life, truly), but telling the truth does not have to be hurtful - just be mindful of other peoples' feelings!!
lying
"Sniper fire" is hardly embellishing - there were shots, or there were not. Taking one's daughter into a place of sniper fire either happened, or it didn't. How do we - as a culture - deny that this episode of Clintonizing was lying?
reasons for lies
Interesting, your huge survey population is limited to your "coworkers", who indicate "women are more likely to lie to make a person feel better" and "Men, on the other hand, tend to lie to make themselves look better".
Not my experience. I find just as many women who lie to make themselves look better, enrich themselves, or get out of trouble as men. I also find many men who lie to make their wives feel better about themselves. The history of advertising is evidence of this.
Let's stick to facts when talking about which gender does what, for what reason.
Mens' vs. Women's Lies...
Ms. Deborah Kotz,
Your article says, "What's interesting is that women and men differ in what they lie about. As my coworkers attest, women are more likely to lie to make a person feel better. Men, on the other hand, tend to lie to make themselves look better (i.e. the former girlfriend who was a swimsuit model)."
I bet many men will find it surprising that we don't lie to make people feel better. I bet men's most frequent lie is about how our wive's rear ends look in those pants. "No, those pants don't make you look fat."
When Hillary lied about the sniper fire, who was she attempting to make 'feel better'? How about that stripper that lied about being raped by the members of the Duke Lacross team, whom did she make 'feel better' with her lie?
Watch an episode of Maury Povich and you'll see lots of women lieing about who's the baby's daddy. Most of those men 'feel better' when the lie is reveiled, not when it's made.
Between the false rape accusations, the lies about paternity, and false domestic violence claims, I think maybe you've overstated your case about why women lie. Did the researchers at the Universit of Massachusettes determine why people lie or did you lean purely on your co-workers for that one?
After considering your article, the most interesting lie I've found is the one you made about why men and women lie. Not that I'm saying you are wrong, that fact that you present it as fact is the lie here.
You should be ashamed of yourself for injecting such a bigoted and hate filled assertion in your article without any evidence.
Lying
Most women I know lie to avoid hurting someone's feelings about trivial issues, like how someone looks in a dress or their new haircut. My husband has asked me how much I weigh, and rather than lie, I refused to answer. That enraged him. But I told him my weight was my business, not his. So sometimes it causes friction when you don't lie. At work, I don't plan on winning any popularity contests and have been accused of being blunt. There are few people, who are friends or coworkers, for whom I have value and those few appreciate honesty. If feelings are hurt over silly little issues, then the friendship is moot anyway.
Deborah Kotz Comments
Thanks for these comments. I'm glad this post inspired some discussion on this. I think, like anything, the take any of us have on lying is based on personal experience. If you were burned by someone's lies, you're more apt to be a cynic. And can we really have an honest discussion about lying? I'm not sure. But, yes, I do think most of us probably lie for some sort of personal gain--often just not wanting to be caught with our hand in the cookie jar. But sometimes to avoid conflict and other times to get people to like us. When women strive to make people feel good, it's often driven by their own need to be liked. And I do think we, as a society, are well served for valuing honesty. Deborah, your parenting sounds right on in my book.
Scott McClellan
Please! It was not the "Bush Whitehouse" that lied.
It was Scott McClellan who obviously needed money
forf lying.
