Domestic Abuse Linked to Poor Health, Years Later
Reader Comments
all here
suck it up
Addendum
Since women are much more likely to kill their children than men, I often find it amusing how silent women like you are when that happens. Deborah Kotz goes trangely silent when this happens.
http://fathersforlife.org/articles/report/resptojw.htm
http://crime.about.com/od/female_offenders/a/mother_killers.htm
http://www.aaanet.org/press/motherskillingchildren.htm
Get real, Deborah.
Lots Of Links, But No Supporting Data
Lots of strong accusations here, but no empirical data. Such is common amongst women activists. Repeat these lies enough until they become your truth. I'm not saying that you're lying here, but I am strongly suggesting that there is no data to back up this TOTALBS.
If you're interested, I could quote many such instances of this since VAWA's inception.
John Lukas
http://wadvpress.org
if this was mortgage crisis the government would be stepping in
it is hard to believe that this still goes on, our families and those issues of family law including divorce domestic violence and child custody should be handled by a social service and they should treat these family crisis like a disease, not a by a judge in a court room. we should reserve our courts for criminal and business matters not family decisions. most judges a re not even close to being able to sift through the truth. since one half of the marriages a re in divorce a t any given time in this country for decades now, you would think our government would address it like they did the mortgage crisis and the most recent insurance bail out for aig. But nothing is done to protect families and women and children. my husband broke my leg and we are living in destitution right now, no electricity, no home anymore. i dont know what i ma going to do. the state of Pennsylvania would get me spousal support but because he filed for divorce in hawaii, i wont get anything hawaii refuses to do the right thing. i have permanent nerve damage not just in myleg but in my emotions i can no longer handle too much going on around me and i avoid public places since this happened. i have taken my girls out of school because the fear that i know have of this world and how horrible it is to be in a country that refuses to protect you and stop the violence men use against women. men are animals and our lawmakers arent any better. i think there are so many women abused we dont even know the half of it. it is not a safe world for our daughters while men go unchecked and un-socialized in this county. this is why sticking to universal values like no pre marital sex and building relationships in a respectable way before marriage is essential to helping women have better partners during a relationship. we need early childhood education in our schools about how to treat women and how to treat each other in relationships, we need to build the respect in men towards women from the time they enter school until they graduate. my teen age daughter is not going to public school because a classmate told her if he ever got anyone pregnant he would throw them down the stairs, (obviously he is interested in having sex before marriage and commitment, see how the problem starts)i just want to keep my daughter away from the sickness in our public venues like school. she did not need to hear that she already knows that men do that my first husband did that t o me and i suffer from a fused tailbone to my hip from it as i age it gets more painful. men anymore seem to have a focus that is driven by satisfying their penis, its sick and so many men, almost all men in this country have one thing on their minds, their penis it is the most important thing to have that satisfied. as an attractive woman i cant tell you how i am harassed for sex even with married men. gross.
I have had first hand experience with women and children caught in domestic violence and the court system. I'm the children's crisis counselor for a domestic violence division. Unless a parent has been "proven" to be an unlawful parent, supervised visitations are rarely granted. The court can not consider a parent unlawful, especially if the only issue being presented is the abuse only on the mother. The laws are written, in our state as in most, to ensure parental rights. Even an unlawful parent given time, will have unsupervised time reinstated. I understand that the court sees a parent that is educated, presents him or herself appropriately, and wants his or her children, so how could they be abusive. And yet, what child or spouse wants to say...someone I love hurts me. I have read several studies showing that not "all" abusive men are abusive to their children. However, the largest study done, shows 50% of the men were abusive to their children as well, and a 1/4 of them, were sexually abusive to the children. I have also counseled children who have been physically hurt, and it was ruled as a disciplinary action. So what are we to do? I am so sorry for Ms. Castillo's loss; as a parent, as a counselor, as a citizen, as a neighbor, I know the judicial system failed to protect her children. As mother and children continue to come into "our" division, I will continue to listen and do my best to represent them in the court. Because I know what they are telling me is real. What they have seen, felt, experienced. It doesn't have to be real for me, to be able to validate it. Officers, doctors, attorneys, judges, and community members could do some justice to remember this. We are only in their life for a short time. The people in their family are forever.
Spousal abuse
No question, there is far too much spousal abuse.
It is interesting to note that the only overt, public, threat of abuse I ever witnessed was the "just you wait until I get you home" uttered by a 25 year old female to her same age husband as she gripped his ear and removed him from the supermarket. That was in 1954. She was built like a fullback and he might have weighed 125 pounds soaking wet. Perhaps he enjoyed being physically abused it but it certainly gave me pause. Had it been the other way around it would have been clear evidence of impending abuse.
I believe that much spousal abuse stems from very disparate views as to what constitutes an adequate frequency of sexual congress. Speaking from my own experience, such comments as:
"you are a sex maniac - no well adjusted person needs or can reasonably expect to have sex more frequently than once a month".
Or, "after talking to some of my girl friends I am willing to suggest a compromise - once a week on Monday evenings so I know when to brace myself for the encounter but no sex ever while I am menstruating".
Or, "Ok, OK if you must you must, but hurry up and get it over with, I have better things to do with my time"
Or, "you cannot expect to have sex on any night when you do not come to bed before 11 o'clock, appointed occasion or not"
Or, "you only married me so you could have sex".
My wife enjoyed "snuggling" but not carressing, which she described as pawing and snuggling was not,except on rare occasions, a prelude to sex.
Thankfully, after age 70 I rarely if ever think of my wife in sexual terms. She is a good person, good platitudinous company, a good cook, a good seamstress and a tolerable housekeeper. The treacherous "snake" no longer rises when we cuddle. That always resulted in the "immediate presentation of the back". Consequently the last 6 years have been, for me, the most pleasurable of the 55 years we have been married.
If I forced myself "ever, let alone too frequently" upon my wife that clearly constituted abuse. But withholding sex from me was not abuse - it may have been painful, degrading and one hell of a blow to my self esteem but it was not abuse. As always in our society, men have no recourse but to suck it up and shut up.
And spare me the crap about negotiating a resolution. The partner who has to "put out" more often than he/she wishes feels put upon and abused and the partner who is rationed to half or a third of what he/she wishes remains, at best, somewhat less frustrated and dissatisfied.
And let us by all means remember that spousal abuse, whether physical, emotional or sexual is only suffered by women, poor powerless souls that they are.
I would appreciate that my comments remain confidential. My wife is very much alive and no more forgiving now than 55 years ago.
abuse + walking problems
I am so glad to read this.
18 years ago I was in a physically and mentally abusive relationship. I developed numbness in my legs, ascending to my pelvic region. This followed my striking the back of my head following my abuser's literally "yanking the rug out from under my feet."
Even when the leg sensation returned (fairly quickly), the pelvic numbness remained. I mentioned the abuse to the neurologist at time and I will never forget his dismissive response: "Do you REALLY think your relationship has any connection?" I was young and in college, and easily intimidated.
God--more doctors need to be sensitive to this silent scourge.
Fast forward 10 years and I develop a walking problem following a ladder fall. An MRI subsequently shows some cervical demyelination, and though everything else has remained stable the last 8 years, I am now saddled with the convenient diagnosis of MS.
Perhaps this doctor in Jacksonville mentioned in your article may be a more sympathetic ear. Thank you for the piece.
Deborah Kotz's response
That is a very good question. I'll email the study author and will post any response I get. That study was very intriguing. Thanks for sharing. I'm curious, too, as to whether the extent of injuries inflicted on men by women are as severe and as fear-provoking as those inflicted on women by men. No violence of any kind should be tolerated in a relationship, but violence that's life threatening is probably more likely to trigger prolonged health consequences than a single act of rage that doesn't do much physical harm.
Are men affected similarly
I recently read a new story (source below) that said men are victims of domestic violence at comparable rates as women.
So, do abused men experience the same long term health issues as women?
source: http://pn.psychiatryonline.org/cgi/content/full/42/15/31-a?eaf
