The Trouble With Boys: What Parents Can Do
Reader Comments
Civil is differnet than female.
In fact lots of civil behavior comes from boys..Those who can not act civilly do not need to be given an out - it is not okay parents. Most boys are fine - no one is trying to make your boys girls, just civil. Maybe try the local water??? It may just not be the school, the teachers, the socieity. IT COULD BE the video games - but you may have to admit to them....
Trouble with Boys
I have read this wonderful book. Every page I read I see my 9 year old son. I have teachers/principals/friends recommend I put him on medication, because he is the little mechanical that is now expected in our schools. He is an intelligent, bright boy with alot of energy. Rather embracing that energy, I get notes home that he will not sit still, that during 'circle time' he is distracted. Books that are definitely geared towards girls are read and discussed. I (a true tomboy myself) am even bored with the subject matter. So what do we do? Complaining is not making changes. Are there groups? Programs? Where do parents go to discuss? We are not alone. Just get into a room of mothers of other boys and the 1st brave soul to admit the problems their is having, you hear the same story over and over again.
the trouble with boys
is that teachers treat them like girls.
my boy always has hated drawing. he thinks three dimentionally.
but in grade school, how many times did he hear this directive?: ok boys and girls, when you're done with the work sheet, you can color in the picture.
that was a disincentive to him.
instead, he should have been offered a baggie of legos. he would have builta focket ship to the moon with them.
i mentioned this to his teacher and she just smiled.
More great resources
A couple of more good books on this subject written by Leonard Sax, M.D, Ph.d, are Boys Adrift and Why Gender Matters. As a teacher in a public school system I am convinced that our BEST teachers need to be teaching kindergarten and early elementary where they understand the differences and let boys learn to read when they are developmentally ready. If this were to happen I believe there would be fewer boys who would learn so young to hate school. When we ask 5 yr old boys to read, it would be like asking a 3 yr old girl to read.
boys today
I agree that we are doing our boys a disservice in our schools. All kids need to get out and do things with their bodies, but especially boys. Even in middle school (or especially in middle school) they need to have a purpose for all that energy, and all that social urge. My theory is that during elementary school they need to do as much as possible using the discovery technique, and by middle school they need to only sit in class for half the day, then get out and do community service, something physically demanding that has value to the community they live in. Maybe Habitat for Humanity or something of that nature. go work on a farm, develop a garden in the city, repaint an apt building, make signs that bring joy to someone in the neighborhood, something that connects them to the other people and to their larger world and to the earth.
Not just boys, girls need it too, to connect and really make a difference. then write and do science around that experience, math lends itself to outside experiences, too. Even kids who live in the coldest parts of the country can do this stuff in the winter, it won't hurt them to get cold and learn to work hard, and play hard, and go through adversity and come out of it more confident and having had the opportunity to help in some way. Not all of us belong to churches, so we don't always have a community that is already doing service, why not let the middle school kids have a crack at it?! Teaching to the test only creates adequate test takers, not learners!
"The only trouble w/ boys is that they are not girls. " Amen. I am not going to say that some girls also don't get what they need in school--of course some don't . Nonetheless, I watched my 13 year old boy and the 15 other boys in his 7th grade class last year experience the worst gender discrimination and treatment possible because they are boys, not girls. This teacher ( female) made frequent sexist remarks, gave preferential treatment to the girls and criminalized the boys' normal behaviors at every opportunity. My astute son asked me why they were being treated so badly and unfairly for behaving as normal boys. This teacher also accused the boys of sexual harassment on the basis of a claim made by a very troubled girl, where little investigation was done, and where the accusations turned out to be meritless and harmful to all of the children, boy and girls alike. My son was filled with anxiety and unhappiness the whole year, as were the bulk of the boys. As one boy said "I just try to lay low and stay out of her radar".
The group of boys in this class were:
bright ( almost all classified as gifted, though the class was not specifically for gifted children)
caring
intellectually curious
compassionate
well behaved
... a dream group to teach.
But because they were active boys , acting like normal, GOOD boys, they were constantly accused of "bad" behavior and they suffered terribly.
The school did nothing to help the boys or stop this teacher from how she was treating the boys ( everyone knew: the school counselor said she was aware of the teacher's behaviors but refused to intervene, other teachers were also well aware and the assistant principle said yeah, I know, but please just ask your son to try to work with her), so the boys felt that no one was protecting them and this teacher was given carte blanche and her treatment of the boys tacitly condoned.
Happily this year, with a different , fair, non -sexist teacher, who knows how to work with boys and girls, school life is much better and my son is thriving. But the "lessons" of last year were/are so painful.
Drama
I was fortunate enough to be trained in creative Drama in the Early 70's. During the brief time I was allowed to teach Creative Drama, I could see the expressive nature of boys and the intense reflection of girls. I did not have desks or chairs in my room, but I did have lots of "stuff" to be creative with. The results were interesting. The teacher who taught the students after Creative Drama was always impressed with how attentive the students were in his class. While Creative Drama to onlookers may look like a great disorganized play time, it is a serious educational process that has specific learning objectives and outcomes. Each lesson is used to illustrate a specific attribute of the "human condition", plus it can be used to explore and illustrate learning outcomes in math, science, social studies, and others.
I say this because creative drama in schools has been sacrificed alongside recess and PE. Creative Drama has demonstrated its ability to let boys explore being boys and girls explore being girls, plus give each of them the opportunity to explore and empathize. Just have the students do a short scene, as if they were the other gender and the differences become apparent.
I have not taught creative drama to young people for the past 25 years, as I now teach the boys and girls who fell out of the system and are now adults with barriers to academic success - many due to the ongoing "factory model" school.
Trouble with Boys
I face this issue with my nine year old everyday. It got to the point where I had him removed to an alternate school. The techers in the first school wanted him to fit into their mold and do exactly what everyone was doing. This behavior made me eveluate my own teaching style. Forget if you are differsnt or expressive you won't fit the mold in school.
Another excellent book is "The Minds of Boys"
The copyright is 2005, but the ideas follow the same line of reasoning. The full title is "The Minds of Boys: Saving Our Sons from Falling Behind in School and Life" by Michael Gurian and Kathy Stevens. ISBN 0-7879-7761-6. Dr Gurian also wrote "The Wonder of Boys" and "The Wonder of Girls". This professional/married couple have research as well as how-to information.
exercise
As a fitness trainer for adults and a former physical education instructor in a public school, I couldn't agree more about the exercise. Elementary school is a critical window. I'm not a scientist, but I can't imagine that our brain development is not linked with with motor skill development. I was fortunate to have been an "early Title IX girl" who played a different sport every season. It saddens me to see boys and girls struggling to keep themselves in their seats due to excess energy they have no opportunity to burn off. Even sadder are the adults in their twenties I see in the health club who lack adult-level motor coordination; I suspect that is a permanent handicap.
