More on Spanking: the Side Effects
Reader Comments
How absurd
WHAT?
The more kids were spanked the more likely they were to develop an interest in sadomasochism? Give me a break. That's a real stretch, and I certainly do NOT believe that there is a real cause-effect relationship between spanking and sexual behavior.
Who's to say that something else may cause the interest in S&M? How do you know it wasn't the result of eating peanut butter and jelly sandwiches?
spanking is wrong
spanking is wrong i disagree with it very strongly. some children cant handle the effect it leaves on them. the pain that spanking gives leads to anger. i am 16 i was spanking up until last year it wasnt that bad then of course but it still left a mark. pats on the butt dont really hurt and u get the point but a wooden spoon made it worse. dont use objects and dont swing hard. dont repidadly spank over and over again. if the child fights back dont hit them harder. just put them in a timeout. i am actually scared of people hurting me and if someone yells at me i burst in tears.
Classic Example
This article is just another classic example of how some will twist an idea or concept to promote their point of view along the same lines as the debates about gun control, global warming, illegal immigration, etc, etc. Unfortunately, once again it's promoted by a media all too eager for an attention grabbing headline to sell more copies or gain more viewers.
The arguments are absurd. The piece refers to spanking a child as if it were an attack on the child and then goes on to make an analogy is drawn by a comment about smoking for 35 years and being ok. I could make just as stupid of an argument. If spanking is an attack, then certainly being tazed or shot by law enforcement official is also an attack. Therefore, this naïve pediatrician must be convinced that w should refrain from punishing violent offenders as well. After all, just because they want to be a criminal doesn't mean they should have to live their lives in fear of an attack also.
No matter how much inane hypothesis about the "trauma" caused by corporeal punishment, I will never be convinced that one of the main reasons for increasingly violent and delinquent behavior by the youth in our society is a direct result of our failure to adequately (and forcefully when needed) punishing such behavior.
Spanking is essential but must be done correctly
I have a nineteen year old and a 15 year old. They haven't been spanked for probably 10 years. You shouldn't need to spank older kids, they should be correctly molded by then.
My kids were spanked at a very early age. Kids understand stuff very early, we don't give them enough credit for that.
In our home we had a "swat chart". So many swats for this infraction or that infraction. Lying was x number of swats, bad language was so many.... and so forth. The chart was posted inside a linen closet door where all could examine it. Swats were always done with an instrument, the "rod" as we called it, never, ever with a hand. Hands were for hugs, not swats. We never threatened swats without actually following through, and we only administered them when appropriate. If they did something wrong but did not know it was wrong, no swats, but next time there would be no excuse. Swats were only administered after a discussion, in the childs room, about the infraction and then we would go check the chart to see how many swats were earned. A complete understandiong by the child was essential to us, and to the child. Generally the child would be sent to their room for a few minutes while mom or dad took sufficient time to chill, and not, therefore, administer the swats in anger. As I said above, by the time they were 8-10 years old swats were no longer needed, they just behaved. And that includes the ADD one.
Today our teenagers think it is absurd that some folks preach that spanking is wrong. It is all about doing it with the proper motive and without anger. Your young kids will know the difference. Sure, lashing out is wrong. But sparing the kid the rod for blatant disobedience is also wrong.
On the related subject of ritalin, shoot that stuff is simply to make parenting easier, i.e. not to have to spank, or train your child. Child training is a time consuming thing if done correctly. But as a parent is there anything more worthy of your time than your kids?? Really, is there? So if you choose ritalin because the school district recommends it what are you teaching that child? Well pretty much you are saying "got a personal problem?, here take this pill." Shoot, I wonder why we're turning into a society of anti-depressant dependants.
Many will say what I'm saying here is over simplistic. Sometimes truth is just very simple in concept, but very difficult to actually implement. I think that is the root of this issue. Simple but hard.
Spanking
I don't know, I'm a well-educated person, but it's still hard for me to believe that being spanked as a child can have such long-lasting negative consequences. In my own situation, I was more than spanked; my mother beat the hell out of me more than once. She hit me when I was a teenager -- in the face once -- and even as an adult. So, I can say that, yes, this type of "spanking" (let's face it, she was fighting not spanking me) does not work because it was mean-spirited, done for the wrong reasons (because she didn't agree with my rather strong opinions on a lot of things), and because I was too old to be hit.
However, I do think young children might need to be spanked on occasion because it lets them know that certain behaviors will not be tolerated. And, it sends that message quickly and efficiently. Honestly, who can reason with a two year old? Spanking can also instill a healthy fear into children of their parents. I had never spanked my own children when they were little so when I tried to "discipline" them when they were older, they understandably rebelled. They were not afraid of me and didn't think I had the right to put my hands on them.
I'm not saying that spanking cures all ills, only that if used properly, it can be an effective tool in parental discipline. The truth is that having a healthy fear of their parents is not the horror show for children that the experts make it out to be. Many kids today just don't get that their parents do have the final say in many matters governing their upbringing, whether they like it or not, and so will often challenge their parents in a very disrespectful and occasionally aggressive manner. How many times have we seen or heard about nasty confrontations between parents and their teenage children? And, how many times have we seen or heard teenaged girls call their mothers bitches either to their face or behind their backs? How can this type of belligerence and disrespect be good for society?
As for the connection between being spanked as a child and hitting on someone later in life, I think there are other factors at play that cause a man (or woman) to physically abuse their partner. My understanding is that being in a household where an ADULT was physically abused is the most likely precursor of future abuse not whether or not a child in that household was spanked.
As for the sexual connection, OK so maybe we should spank kids on their legs or hands only. But let's not kid ourselves into thinking that spanking, if done properly, for the right reasons, and not execessively, is not useful.
Baseball bat?
Baseball bat's work well also.Eventually the kid grows and and returns with a bat of his own to show dad what it's like. Because of that, anyone that hits me, usually ends up in the hospital. You hit or taser me, better make certain I stay down and that you never take your eyes off me, because eventually I will catch up or track you down.
whats the point?
stupid thought if you ask me, why must we beat the living crap out of our kids a simple explanation of what was done wrong can be perfectly understandable. There are many other
Good reads
Plain Talk About Spanking
http://nospank.net/pt2009.htm
The Sexual Dangers of Spanking Children
http://www.nospank.net/sexdngrs.htm
Spanking can be unintentional sexual abuse
Most compelling of all reasons not to spank are the following (which can be verified by people who were actually spanked themselves by doing a little internet research):
Even without sexual motives on the part of the punisher, spanking can interfere with a child’s normal sexual and psychological development. Because the buttocks are so close to the genitals and so multiply linked to sexual nerve centers, slapping them can trigger powerful and involuntary sensations of sexual pleasure. This can happen even in very young children, and even in spite of great, clearly upsetting pain.
Tom Johnson Sexual Dangers of Spanking Children
“Advocates of corporal punishment in schools should examine very carefully the weight of evidence now available and, particularly in light of the pornographic component, consider whether they can justify the continuation of a system with such a capacity for exciting unhealthy interest.”
British Psychological Society, “Report on Corporal Punishment in Schools” (1980)
“But what you would not so readily believe upon my affirmation, was that there are persons who are stimulated to venery by strokes of rods, and worked up into a flame of lust by blows... A strange instance what a power the force of education has in grafting inveterate ill habits on our morals...”
Johann Heinrich Meibom, physician, 1629
