More on Spanking: the Side Effects
Reader Comments
spanking?....
i was spanked as a kid and i'm just fine. This article leaves me with endless thoughts and yet speechless. I'd have say, in my own oppinion, spanking does not lead to beating. crazy people with no self control do, and again, in my own oppinion, those people are just flat out nutty and need help and from everything that I have witnessed and ben around they're usually drunks and/or adicted to drugs.
Spanking
I'm not completely for spanking, but I'm not completely againt it either.
When I was 6, I was severly spanked by my father.
True, it hurt, and it's supposed to. But I had "earned" it, and I knew there was no way out of it.
The weird thing is, my father didn't want to spank me, but given the circumstances, had no choice.
Though, now that I think about it, the punishment I recived was a bit harsh-80 slaps within 30 minutes. But heck- the punishment should fit the crime. So I guess causing my noble father and near-labouring mother to be worried sick about me for 2 hours or so, definitely called for the punishment to be that severe.
My point?
For parents who are reluctant to use spanking, there will come a time when it is utterly necessary.
I guess that it all depends on how severe the punishment is.
Not severe enough, and you can be sure it'll be happening again. Severe enough or too severe, and the chances of it happening again greatly decrease.
Your kids should not be afraid of you because of the punishment you give them.
They should only be afraid of the punishment itself.
Prosecuted and Alienated
The Ventura County District Attorney and courts chose to prosecute me for spanking my out of control, failing student, 16 year old son. His mother would say I wish you would do something about that kid. The liberal high school just schuffes the problem kids to bizarre out of the way classes like "Library" or God knows what. We hear the schools yell for we parents to get involved but BEWARE their elite mandate to report you for anything that might even smell of corporal punishment which thrills their selfish elitist motivatives. I had a decision to make for my kid. I was his father and knew best dispite what you fools say. I formally explained the rules to him and the punishment that would come if they were abused. I did not do it in anger. I administered it to the buttocks which dispite previous posts is the best part of the antomy for the like. (I think sick godless elements of our society and misguided modern phyco-babel have turned a simple common sense thing into something criminal or even now sexual - give me a break. Ahh the hell with it there is simply to much to tell. At the time my sons grades came up from F to B. Later our sick liberal society successfully alienated me from not only my son but my daughter as well whom corporal punishment was never required. My wife found justification now from society to divorce me. I refused to allow my children to be drug into this unjust liberal nonsense so chose to plea no contest but in so doing was forced (duress) to sign an affidavite that I in fact was guilty. What is just about that, can't a man choose for whatever reason not to defend without being forced to admit guilt, in writing yet. Again the godless cowards must protect their rears against what they may even know to be total nonsense. The worse thing society can do is not support fathers. But then again it is the minorities and women that rule the roost these days. And they ain't going to tip the boat. I can't tell you what disdane I have for this liberal system that in fact was never intended by our God fearing forefathers. In fact those that rule today are the godless. Having a form of godliness but denying ..... oh what a waste of my breath .... God love you fathers who take it from all sides today. May God someday expose these cowards who have run you through their meat grinders. The emphasis on the individuals freedoms today is destroying what would be for the common good. Mohammed Ali said it all. Every young black kid as well as white and brown took it to heart. "I am the greatest." This among all the other humanist rants of the day lead us all to the belief that we are deserving. When the fact is that we don't deserve a thing in the sight of the perfect and loving God that gave us this life in the first place. To those who have understanding you are blessed already to those who have another self manufactured view your reward is all around you. THERE ARE ABSOLUTE TRUTHS IN THIS WORLD. They are found outside of ourselves.
The confusion
There is a difference between punishing children and disciplining children. When we discipline a child, we're encouraging a standard of practice, much like when we discipline ourselves as adults to wake-up promptly for work. When we punish a child, it needs to be also be for the purpose of teaching the child. If not, it is merely an impulsive act and should be reconsidered.
A parent's job is to help the child learn to be a healthy, functional adult. That's the bottom line. Love and caring are the motivational prompts to get this done, but really that's what parents strive toward.
If you were to be punished for driving drunk, should you be beaten? Would that "teach you a lesson?" Some might argue that it would. Still, there are other measures that have been proven to be effective like programs to enhance understanding from a victim's perspective.
So, what is the most effective teaching method for a child? We can sugarcoat "hitting" by calling it "spanking." It's still hitting. Even if you argue that, in times of danger, it gets a child's attention, it's pointless unless followed with an explanation, an attempt at discipline or education.
We've all seen the woman in the parking lot who spanks her child for wandering away and then scolds him the entire way to the car. What did he learn? He didn't see that his caretaker was worried for him. He didn't understand. If he did, he wouldn't have wandered into the traffic. That child needs to be pulled aside. He needs to be shown how much smaller he is than all those cars. Maybe he even needs to look into the driveway from the car while his bike is behind the car and realize it could get run over, just like he could. He needs to see it from a child's eyes to understand it. All these advocates of spanking are forgetting that young kids are young kids. They only know what they know. And they'll only learn what we teach them.
Thanks.
Spanking - The Perfect Scapegoat!
I'm not sure how you can make all these references about spanking leading to voilence and sexual problems without defining what "spanking" is.
I spanked my child as a method of dicipline, but never on a bare bottom or while he was leaning over my lap! His spankings involved Frownie Face (a small wooden spoon) and either a hand or fatty part of his leg. I have not had to spank my child in years (he is 12) because he learned that the behavior he was spanked for was not to be repeated - and he didnt repeat it. In fact, Frownie Face was one of many tactics I used to train my child.
It sounds like some parents or "spank-givers" are using spankings as an excuse to take their frustrations out on their children. And, if you wait until you want to beat a child before you try to modify his/her behavior - you're not parenting. There are far deeper issues going on with the parents and children who were spanked that are now exhibiting violent or sexually perverse behavior. There is a difference between beating/humiliating your child and spanking your child to correct a behavior.
Perhaps there are certain personality types that should avoid spanking completely, but to make a blanket implication that all "spanking is bad" is misleading and frankly seems like a very ignorant thing to say. And, by the way, there is clear scientific evidence linking smoking to lung cancer...as well as evidence linking violence on television to violence in teens and adults. But, to compare spanking to smoking is meaningless and, again, leads me to conclude that Nancy Shute is certainly not the brightest person out there - and I'm trying to be kind.
What is spanking and what is child abuse?
The problem with the discussion above is that spanking is not defined or categorized. A child who is repeatedly shamed and humiliated is going to be far more abusive and unhappy. Spanking should be an abrupt wakeup call that is not necessarily painful. Are the parents spanking for a clear reason? Are they spanking a child who is out of control and can't get control? Are the publically humiliating the child? Are their expectations age appropriate for the child? Are they inflicting bruises or marks, or just putting a child in diapers off balance with a swat on the butt? Is the parent out of control or calm? Is the punishment proximate enough to the crime for the child to make the connection? Is the parent or the child ADHD, depressed or Bipolar?
There is so much more to the debate than just whether a parent spanks. The larger issue is disciple overall. Does the parent engage the child and mean what they say? Or does the parent wait until there is a parental tantrum resulting in violence, both physically and emotionally? Parents who are engaged with their children positively can discipling in the absence of a brain disorder such as ADHD. Age appropriate expectations are crucial also.
No form of discipline works when the child is not engaged. There is also no such thing as a perfect parent or a perfect world. Our current lifestyle places many of us (working moms and single parents) with little time or energy to engage our children. When one parent is absent from the discipline equation either geographically or emotionally, a child will not get the amount of positive engagement required, resulting in worse behavior and parental inability to influence their child.
There are all kinds of kids and all kinds of parents. If spanking must be used frequently (or any other type of discipline for that matter) it is not working, and a new approach is needed. Kids that are spanked frequently have parents who are not paying attention to the fact that their methods aren't working. Children who spend long periods of time in time out have ineffective parents as well. If our method doesn''t result in behavior change we have to find another method or adjust our expectations of our children.
Kids who are spanked frequently have parents who are not paying attention to the results of their methods. Often these are parents who are depressed or abused themselves, or stressed and desperate due to financial or emotional or mental health problems.
Check out Norm Lee:nopunish website. Bruce Perry:ChildTrauma.org and numerous websites/books on positive parenting. It is often the parent who needs the "time out" to cool down and discover that there are many alternatives to hitting a person for "disciplinary" reasons. It has been shown scientifically that physical punishment in the developing years can adversely alter the very architecture of the brain. The evidence is really overwhelming if you take the time to look.
It is definitely a human rights issue, as stated. Just because something was okay in the past does not make it correct now. Although we have not eliminated racism, we no longer condone slavery. Women are "allowed to vote", and children can no longer work in factories, to name a few examples of how society has changed. It is possible, and probable, that antiquated attitudes and "beliefs' that still exist today regarding the use of physical punishment, i.e. hitting, for the purpose of "discipline' will also become a thing of the past.
Let's educate ourselves about alternatives to parenting that do not resort to hitting.
Dave
I was spanked as a child, and I like sadomasochism. So?
It is abuse though. Spanking should be left between two consenting adults, hehe.
spanking and sexual arousal
I have come across to a person who was not spanked but have witnessed regular spankings to their friends and the person have related sexual arousal with spankings. Whenever, he heard or see any child duly spanked, he immediately get an arousal. He masturabte every day imagining boys being getting spanked and he love boys. In fact , he can not tolerate beating on any boy and he fight for it. He love carressing boys body parts where he got the beatings like thighs,legs, back,hands etc. I think spankings also has bad effect on a person's psychology and can change their sexual interests altogether.
