One View: A Spanking Might Beat Ritalin
Reader Comments
Drugging our Kids
When is America going to wake up and realize what we are doing to our children? I am OUTRAGED over the number of children being put on dangerous and sometines deadly drugs!!!!! Is there any wonder kids are killing other kids, their parents; as well as themselves. All I can say, is God help our children. Children are supposed to be able to trust their parents. NOT any more!!!
Rules for Children
Cantrell, California. Classroom management.
5 Rules....5 Consequences....5 Rewards
Think: positive rewarding of behavior.
1. Discuss WHY rules. Safety for all.
No rules: much danger. DISCUSS.
2. Then, together make rules.Takes time.
3. Make a chart: (With YOUR rules!(Not mine.)
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5 Rules: 5 Consequences 5 Rewards
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1. No yelling 1. Time Out 1. Free time
2. No hitting 2. Go to room 2. Free space
3. Do chores 3. No play 3. Can play
4. Do homework 4. No friends 4. Yes, friends
5. Bedtime 5. 30"earlier 5. Regular time
3 Warnings...And they strike out!
Then consequences.
Let them know they did a great job!
Or improving...REWARD: RECOGNITION
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TIME SCHEDULE: Example. Make your own!
6:00 -- Get up, dressed, pick up in room
6:30 -- Chore: set table, etc.
7:00 -- Eat and clean up
Work and School
4:00 -- Snack (fruit) and Play
5:00 -- Chore or help with meal, set table
6:00 -- Eat and clean up
7:00 -- Homework..& one on one with parent
Read a story; discuss school, etc.
Take turns, one child at a time.
8:00 -- Ready for bed, younger ones first.
Baths, etc.
Children go to room. (May read, etc.)
Get things ready for next day.
PRIVATE QUIET TIME FOR PARENTS
10:00 -- Good Night
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No means no
Although many don't give a lot of weight to the Bible, a quote is appropriate, "Let your no mean no."
The problem arises when parents do not teach their children from an early age that no MEANS no. So the children are confused.
Every day counts. From the time they begin to reach for things they shouldn't, say, "No," and give their hand a little swat. They don't have to understand English.
The problem comes from the first time you say, "No," and the child learns that means, "Maybe."
Later is too late.
NOTE: I do not support unreasonable rules which obviously puts any kind of discipline in a totally different setting.
But some kids need a swat to learn that No means No.
Spanking is Loving, Hitting is Not
Johnny runs into the street. Mom says, "No, Johnny." Johnny does it again. Mom gives him a time out. He doe it again. Another time out. Johnny is hit by a car and killed.
But Mom didn't want to spank him.
The right to spank has to be earned but is not necessary if you are stronger than water
Spanking if needed should be a very personal thing. If you do not spend a lot of time playing, reading, camping, going to school activities and what ever your child needs you have no right to spank. You would probably injure the child anyway. A parent has to be a best friend and an authority figure. If a child loves and respects his/her parents they will respect all elders and authorities in there lives. Which will take care of many problems such as adults taking advantage of a child that does not listen to his/her parents. I believe parents injure there children by reading to many books from so called child experts and not spending enough time getting to know there own child, I have not found a child yet that fits in a psychological box with other children. If the adult has issues the child will have issues if the adult does not explain them selves and make friends with the child as an authority figure.
To many people are like water; They seek the easiest path with the least resistants. My parents allowed the doctors to drug me and keep me drugged so they did not have to deal with A child who just wanted to be heard and receive a little attention. Now I avoid doctors like I would the plague and I have little respect for snake oil salesmen Who call themselves doctors.
The reason people cannot spank properly is because children to them are an imposition and cramps there style. I spank the oldest child of my sisters kids when I was not supposed to I just lost my temper. But because I loved all the children and took them to the park every day I got buy with a little temper. I tried to strike the little girl a second time but I could not . I went back to my room Thinking I blew it. And when the little girl could stand she came back to my room and said she loved me and would not put me in that position again. She never told her mom What happened. We still went to the park every day where three girls and one little boy wore me out before we got back home. From that day on I had four best friends and I was still an authority figure who loved the children I was placed in charge of.
Don D. Brock
New approach to discipline
Hi Nancy,
I was reading your website and I thought you might be interested in some new ideas on working with challenging kids. I am a clinical child psychologist and I just released my first (and hopefully only) book that re-interprets basic behavioral research in such a way as to enhance the types of rewards and punishments most parents, teachers, and professionals use. It's called Don't Swear with Your Mouth Full! When conventional discipline fails unconventional children and it explains why the typical strategies used in most settings are technically flawed. I then spell out an easier method of discipline called "behavior-limited discipline" that has not been written about before and has been receiving great reviews so far. Endorsed by Thomas Phelan (1-2-3 Magic).
I am starting research on this new approach this fall and we are using this book as the treatment manual. Let me know if you you're interested and I'll send out a review copy tomorrow.
Thanks,
Cary
A Swat is Calming
As a parent of ADHD children and as an ADHD Adult I agree with Larry, one or two swats to the bottom is just enough to get their attention and to calm them down.
Sometimes these kids are painfully distracted to the point of agitation and feeling out of control (they cant even name these feelings themselves) and a swat can sometimes help break the distraction and help them focus on what you are saying to them or their timeout. The structure of the parent taking control helps them feel safe and if this I would think helps calm their agitation.
I would believe it probably does start to work in 72 hours. The sooner they know someone will help them stop their suffering and they feel like they can be successful the better kids will feel.
Larry isnt saying ADHD isnt real, he is just saying we can help our kids gain coping skills early on so they can help themselves and maybe not have to be drugged to function.
A well placed swat that isnt given for everything is enough of a shocker to be helpful.
As long as it isnt over used, it is a good signal to the child that "Hey I am way over the top".
This is important as these kids have trouble socially understanding boundaries.
A swat also tells the kids that yes you are ADHD, but that does not give you a license to run all over everyone and there will be consequences. Since ADHD kids usually have a short attention span and memory the immediate consequence is easier to grasp than trying to get them to see the relationship between for exacmple the Time out Timer starting over and over again until they stay there.
Again not every approach works the same on every kid.
The important thing for people to remember is that ADHD isnt fun for the kids either and is in someways very emotionally and almost physically painful.
One last thought to help folks empathize with these kids:
Think of this scenario:
- You are standing in front of a TV set & Someone else is in charge of the remote control.
- The person with the remote is flipping through the channels just quick enough to almost, but not quiet see the picture on each channe.
- At the same time 10 other people are poking you with a small sharp sticks.
- At the same time all of this is going on, An entirely different person is asking you to tell them what is on each channel of the TV.
- Last, but not least your actual spouse comes in and says "Honey why havent you figured out what to watch yet?"
Is there anyone out there who would not be totally frustrated by these series of events?
I am quite certain people are saying they would want to lash out at something and that is what these kids do sometimes.
Ok NOW, Imagine this:
- With all of the above still going on, some big guy comes in and smacks their hand down on the counter and of course everyone stops what they are doing to you and stares at the big guy.
- You would just be grateful to the big noise guy because everyone stopped tormenting you to check out the noise
This is what I think a good swat does
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