How Hard Do Abortions Hit Men?

Men and Abortion

I was at this conference, and there was not a word spoken from the podium, or written in the conference literature, about making abortion illegal. We learned about the emotional pain that losing a family member through abortion can cause to the father, and how we can help these hurting men to become whole again.

Thankfully there are organizations willing to help promote greater understanding of this issue. We all too often assume that men don't feel, that men don't care, that men see abortion simply as an answer to a problem. Thanks to the brave voices of post-abortion men and the pioneering work of tireless researchers and therapists we are beginning to understand that nothing could be father from the truth.

Um - Children with Down Syndrome are Human Beings

As a parent myself, I am angered that such self-centered bigotry is apparently so common in my fellow citizens.

Several of these comments demonstrate the kind of monstrous logic that belongs in Nazi propoganda, not 21st century America.

Simply as a human being myself, I am sickened by the comments that use a Down Syndrome child as evidence that either parent ought to mutilate their perfectly healthy, functioning reproductive organs.

Pregnancy is a sign of health, not of disease.

Self control is a sign of maturity, as is love (that is, valuing your beloved more than yourself).

Green-lighting all sexual behavior and dealing with the natural consequences by punishing the innocent is a sign that something is quite wrong inour civilization.

It Affects Everyone Involved

Many years ago as a officer in the military, I transported one of my soldiers to an abortion clinic. It was not her first abortion and at the time I was convinced she had made the decision entirely on her own (chances are she was not even sure who the father was). At the time, I thought I was just taking care of my troops. A couple decades later, that morning still haunts me though I was merely the taxi driver.

It is the taking of a life and having any knowledge of it and failing to act to stop it will have a profound effect that may not be obvious in the short term. But it is there and anyone who denies it either has never been there or just waiting their turn to feel the impact.

Life is precious from the moment of conception to the last breath. Any contrivance to stand in the way of the Divine plan whether preventive (sterilization, artificial birth control) or overtly evil (abortion, infanticide, euthanasia) sets us up to play the Divine.

I've been on the planet nearly a half century now, father of 6 and headed to the hospital today for the birth of number 7. I know for certain only two things... first, there is a God, second, I ain't him. I don't recall who said that first, but I sure would like to shake their hand. When you stumble on pure truth, it is hard to ignore it.

What Ed Said

Agree completely with Ed Meehmann. This thread seems to miss the point. The point is that a man's emotional pain is taboo in our culture and for a variety of reasons he is less likely to be affirmed for "telling his story." Almost all mental health focus is on women and girls. Men take a back seat. No one seems to care that men are excluded but no one seems to know that men are 80% of suicides in this country and no one knows why. Could the two be connected? My guess is yes.

The saddest thing is that there is no research money to study men and suicide or men and abortion. The head of the American Association of Suicidolgy, Dr Berman, has publicly stated that he can find money to study suicide related to girls and women but no one wants to fund studies about men. This is misandry. Have a look here

http://trueequality.com/video.html

No deflections just straight talk.

I have personally counseled with hundreds of men over a 20 year period who relate a very painful past and present life. Most of them figure there is not much hope for the future. The loss of any family member is not easy to take, but the loss of one or more of your children (sometimes without your knowledge or your input one way or the other) is also a loss of your fatherhood at least for that child. There is a single thread hidden pain and regret. I counseled with a man once who had witnessed a terrible accident when his son had accidently shot his sister with an "unloaded gun." He blamed himself, he felt shameful for not unloading the gun and for not protecting his daughter. He had lost his fatherhood forever. Many of the men whose stories I have listened to have lost their fatherhood too. Abortion either by choice, by acqiescence, or over pleading objection has ended any chance of fatherhood with (in some cases the only child they will ever have) their little boy or girl. Can you cut them some slack! If you lost a child by any means other than by an abortion you would be expected to grieve the loss. If you didn't some would think there was someting wrong with you. But for these fathers there is neither permission nor place to grieve. Just suck it up in silence, get over it and move on. But, what about the behaviorial aspects of just stuffing it for half a life time? What about the guilt for self blame for not helping your child? What about the shame for thinking of yourself as a bad person because you agreed, conspired to end the life of your own child? These thoughts are real, dreams are dreadful, and you can not escape them, not with sex, not with alcohol, not with dope! Conferences like the ones the Knights of Colombus and the Archdiocese of Chicago outht to be lauded for their compassion and courage to give place and restore honor to the dignity of a man trying to find a place to put his pain and grief. I know of no other situation or in no other circumstance where a grieving father would be asked to check his spirit or emotions at the door because a religious organization is sponsoring a path to freedom. Why, then would it be necesaary to put that road block up now for those who have the need for compassionate bereivment? Many men I have listened to and walked a path of grief with have found that reclaiming fatherhood not only offers peace in thier lives, but restores dignity and honor to both them and their lost children for mistakes made. Where I come from that is not a bad thing. Let the reclaiming begin, I say--let it begin!

It hurts

I found out after the fact. My first child ended up in a garbage can. It hurts

Men and Abortion

We men have an ingrained drive to provide for and protect our offspring. Abortion is counter to these basic instincts. It is common sense to expect that men could experience emotional turmoil as a result of losing a child to abortion. We must be a compassionate society that will affirm their hurt and do all we can to help instead of ridicule them.

Never Stops Hurting

In our late teens, my girlfriend of the time become pregnant. I wanted to 1) get married, 2) have her give birth and have me raise it (my parents were supportive in that option) or 3) have the child and place it for adoption. Consistent with the rights under Roe v. Wade, she unilaterally chose to terminate the pregnancy. Trying to be supportive, I was with her throughout the process, except for being excluded from the procedure room. After the procedure, she received a letter informing her that it was actually twins (not sure of the reason for the letter, but probably required by one law or another regarding informed consent).

That was 26 years ago. It was probably 20 years before I didn't think everyday about who they would have been. It still weighs on me. I have been blessed with a marriage of 20 years (to the same woman, but not the one who terminated the pregnancy) and four children, but I grieve for who should have been.

So does it affect me- YES. It was wrong, unforgivable, and I believe it is a mortal sin for which I will rightfully be condemned. I deal with it in the recesses of my heart and know that any of the other choices would have been the right ones. But not much choice, no matter how much I pled for them.

Was it murder- that is a question not above my pay grade. Yep.. But for the termination, there would have been two more men and/or women that would have made the world a better and brighter place.

If men don't want women to have abortions, they can use protection. If they don't use protection when having sex, men do not get to vote on the enormous sacrifice a women makes to bare a child.

If men could get pregnant, abortion would be a sacrement. Articles and research by the partriarchial catholic church which has historically oppresed women and elevated child abusing males into high positions in the church, have no credibility. They have gotten rich, and stayed in control of people's lives off the wombs of women.

Palin's Down Syndrome baby.

Instead of the usual sexist knee-jerk reaction of blaming the father for the un-wanted Downs Syndrome pregnancy, we should be asking why the mother did not accept primary responsibility by getting herself sterilized as she approached menopause with its increased risks of pregnancy.