Making the Most of the New Sexual Revolution

Video: Erectile Dysfunction

Turns out the older set may even have an advantage. Whereas early love activates brain regions thought to be responsible for those can't-stop-thinking-about-you love pangs, more mature passion lights up areas where the "bonding" or "cuddle" hormone oxytocin is active. "Sexual liveliness can be equally strong for both," says Aron, "but long-term love doesn't have the jealousy or obsession that occurs when you've just fallen in love."

No one has yet determined exactly how to light up the brain's passion centers. But research shows that couples feel more attracted to one another after they've engaged in novel, challenging activities—like being tied together in a three-legged race—than after taking part in a routine pleasurable activity like sharing an ice-cream sundae. Fisher says it probably has something to do with challenge that causes a surge in dopamine. Rock climbing isn't necessary; Aron and his wife recently found it quite arousing to go to a bar for the first time in 10 years. "It was challenging for us just to walk in and figure out what to order," he says. Making it a point to celebrate good things together, like job promotions or prestigious awards, also has been shown to fuel passion, probably because of that shared dopamine surge. Practice helps, too. "Any kind of sexual stimulation drives up dopamine in the brain," Fisher explains, "and orgasms release oxytocin to trigger feelings of deep attachment."

Still, as baby boomers heading into their 60s are just beginning to realize, Mother Nature makes them feel less driven for sex when reproduction is no longer on the agenda. Testosterone levels naturally decline in both men and women, making them feel less in the mood, and less often. And common middle-age medical problems like diabetes, enlarged prostate, and heart disease can disrupt blood flow to sex organs, making it difficult for men to achieve and maintain erections even with Viagra or Cialis. A host of medications, too, can interfere with sexual functioning.

Prostate cancer treatments, which can permanently damage nerves that cause erections, present the biggest challenge in terms of robbing men of their sexuality. "At best, Viagra helps about half of those with no function," Morgentaler says. But perseverance can pay off. "Susan," 65, a writer in Manhattan who prefers to remain anonymous, donned "black lace teddies and stiletto heels worthy of a 20-year-old" and initiated oral sex twice a week for several years after her husband's prostate surgery. "At first, he looked at me hopelessly," she recalls, "trying to get to that place where his libido had been. Last year, we were finally able to have intercourse again."

For women, the plunging estrogen levels that occur during menopause often lead to vaginal wall thinning and dryness, which can make sex uncomfortable or downright painful. Menopausal mood swings can also be a mood killer. Susan has had to contend with both of these problems but worked with her doctor to find solutions; they opted to slowly lower her dose of hormone replacement therapy instead of her going cold turkey, for example, and she experimented with different over-the-counter lubricants. But many women are uncomfortable broaching the subject of sexual difficulties, and more than 90 percent of doctors don't ask, according to a 2007 survey conducted by the Women's Sexual Health Foundation.