Good Parents, Bad Results

ADHD

My 19 year old grandson who now lives with me was put on Ritalin at he age of 5. He has used Concerta and other drugs also. After his parents divorced, he along with his sibling were used as weapons of contentions against their Father and we as his Granparents. His Mother had little time for him and put him off on anyone who would take him. The new children of her other 2 following husbands were her major focus. He graduated from a special ed class. He has absolutely no concept of rational thinking about right or wrong. However in some areas of education he is very smart/ He associates with others according to their age level. If it is an adult, he acts grownup, if a child he acts and plays like a child. I can see nothing about him that the drugs did except hurt him. he has deplorable social ineraction skills. He is neither mentally retarded enough to receive assistance from local agencies, but neither is he able to live alone without supervision. He is caught in the middle of a confusing world because of not receiving the teachings that should naturally be taught by loving adults in his life. He is not funtionably able to drive, nor work alone on a public job. It is horrible to see my grandchild like this. He was a perfectly normal, active child at age 5. This is an example of the product of our society where rather than be bothered by an active child, he was medicated and shunted to the side by a Mother who often overdosed him to get him out of her hair by giving him 2 pills instead of one so he would sleep. All she had to do was tell his pediatrician he was hyperactive. What kind of life can he have like this. He will never be resposible enough to be married or have children or work a public job. Who is to blame? The doctors who listen to the Mother without running tests or the lazy Mothers and adults in a child's life who just don't want to be bothered with the resposibility and attention a child like this needs? I think they are all to blame and I do wonder how many other children have grown into adults and are now facing such a bleak future as my grandson has in store for himself. Our society needs to change and parents and adults need to take resposibi;ity for the children they bring into this world. Some type of program needs to be developed by the government to provide assistance for people like this who have no future because they were medicated as ADHD. If anyone knows of any agency that may provide help for my grandson, please email me the information. Thank You

About Smart Parenting!

As I was reading the topic, it made me agree that children needs to be spanked as well from time to time as a form of discipline....I totally agree with that because that is also written in the bible..........

I am a single parent raising up a 13 year old teenage son, it is very difficult for me since I was working onboard a cruise ship and I miss out on his childhood. Now, I decided to get a call center job in the Philippines even if the pay is not yet high because I really want to make up for the lost time....... Well it certainly is not MONEY all the TIME! LOVE spells TIME!!!! I believe now our relationship is improving....

Thank you for the nice and very enlightening article!

More power to you all!!!

Joyce M. Caringal

Sta.Rosa, Laguna PHILIPPINES

The BEST parenting approach

I recently returned from training for The Nurtured Heart Approach with Howard Glasser, Tom Grove, Lisa Bravo, and Gabrielli LaChiara. Attendees numbered an even 100 and came from across the globe to learn, share and grow. The Nurtured Heart Approach is the most practical, easy to implement, intuitive way of engaging with my child that I have ever experienced and the results are stunning. Glasser's book, All Children Flourishing: Igniting the Greatness of Our Children is the latest edition of the Approach. for more information go to www.difficultchild.com or to learn specifics of using the Nurtured Heart Approach go to www.energyparenting.com

this article is okay

Spend time with your kids. Let them make some decisions that are acceptable to you and them. Sometimes there is only one decision. When my 3 year old will not stay in bed, I ask "Would you like to have a spanking and then go night night, or would you like to go night night?" (We read a few books, say our prayers, then I hold her and sing to her nearly every night before bed. I only spank her when it is clear that she needs to know that there is a limit. Sometimes, kids want to reach a limit. And they want their loving parents to be there at that limit. It makes me feel like a badguy, but after a spaanking I hold her and she begins to calm down and she is ready for bed. These days I hardly ever spank her anymore, she is such a good girl. Also, she is never ready for bed until after WE SPEND TIME TOGETHER. I don't really like stickers and ponies, so I bought her some legos and lincoln logs and we both have fun playing. She needs to have daddy time once I get home or else she will not sleep.) If she asks for another soda, I tell her no, she may not have more than 1 soda. I ask "Would you like milk, or water?" She tells me again that she would like a soda, but I persist that she may have either milk or water. Eventually she will pick one of the choices I have given her. At bed time, she is only allowed to drink water, so the question becomes, "Would you like water, or no water?"- It usually takes some repetition, but when we are done, she gets to decide for herself, and I am happy with her decisions.

book

what about Dr. Leman's book to help stop bad behavior in people of all ages?

right...

What, specifically, is the evidence for these statements? Some of these points are just the same stale talking points that have been around since the 70's

Case in point, take #7- teenagers act out because there's too much pressure to achieve academically... I find this claim really hard to buy into... given that kids in the US have lower math and reading scores than kids in most of the developed world (and in many developing nations) and that discipline problems in our schools reach a scale seen rarely in other countries....

"The goal, says Greenspan, is not to have a child who knows how to answer questions but one who will grow up to ask the important questions." It seems to me that this is a normative statement... what does this (a) have to do with discipline, and (b) have to do with education (unless at a national level, the goal is to have a workforce full of consultants)

discipline

We can believe your shrinks who say spanking doesn't work, or we can believe our lying eyes, which say that it does.

What would YOU do??

Yale Center for Childhood Development

I'm not sure if this is the exact title of the book. However, I followed through on the recommendations of bringing up my son. Sure enough he is a happy, self-confident little boy. His pre-school teacher told me the other day. My son is a follower, and has no self-identity. If he doesn't get the sense of who he is, I can expect nothing but problems. Go figure.

JOEY

have it your way is burger kind, honey

Dear Joey,

I would calmly tell you (and my four kids), do your work. If not, there are consequences, like you stay home with no entertainment until you do it. You aren't hurting me. Carry on and you stay in longer. This is a parent's job!

You're right, screaming doesn't help. Parents are human, though, and have more stress to deal with than you are probably aware of. They should be treating you with respect, two-way street.

If you insist on messing YOURSELF up, it is after all your life. You will

make your life painful, but some people need to bleed to straighten themselves out.

Best of luck to you.