Good Parents, Bad Results

"it's in the Bible"

"....I totally agree with that because that is also written in the bible.........."

Sighs. OK, just two examples of things that are in the Bible:

* "If a man has a stubborn and rebellious son who does not obey his father and mother and will not listen to them when they discipline him, his father and mother shall take hold of him and bring him to the elders at the gate of his town.They shall say to the elders, "This son of ours is stubborn and rebellious. He will not obey us. He is a profligate and a drunkard."Then all the men of his town shall stone him to death. You must purge the evil from among you. "

*"If your very own brother, or your son or daughter, or the wife you love, or your closest friend secretly entices you, saying, "Let us go and worship other gods" (gods that neither you nor your fathers have known, gods of the peoples around you, whether near or far, from one end of the land to the other), do not yield to him or listen to him. Show him no pity. Do not spare him or shield him.You must certainly put him to death. Your hand must be the first in putting him to death, and then the hands of all the people.Stone him to death, because he tried to turn you away from the LORD your God, who brought you out of Egypt, out of the land of slavery."

THESE, as well as many other things no one would condone applying literally nowadays, is also in the Bible. Would you really stone your rebellious son or your apostate spouse?

Just to clarify: I am myself a Christian. And a former victim of physical abuse (more serious than simple spankings). I am convinced that any violence is very, very wrong, and definitely never "needed".

my son

his left eye look puffy. as a single father what should i do

Very helpful tips on parenting more effectively.

I really enjoyed this article. I feel that after reading this, I gained much wisdom on ways of

being a better parent. I have 2 children diagnosed with ADHD. My son is doing pretty good this year without Adderall and my daughter takes a very low dose. I am definately going to be more consistant and offer more praise to my son. I'm always comparing him to my daughter, which isn't fair. He is his own person, and I am thankful for that.

good article about raising children

thought you might enjoy....

This article raises some good points on communication

I was raised by two wonderful parents. My mother was, by far, the disciplinarian, but my siblings and I always respected him just the same. My mother never spanked us and very rarely did she ever raise her voice. She was careful to speak to us like human beings, to let us know that she loved us even when we did something wrong, and to let us know WHAT we did wrong and why it was such a wrong thing to do. Our punishments were always specific to each of us and were generally quite brief. She made sure we understood that she is our mother and we are her children and that she had full rights to tell us how to conduct our behavior. If we were having trouble in school, instead of just flipping out, she would sit down and try to figure out what kind of trouble we were having and how we could fix it. She always listened to us, no matter how boring our talking was, and so we felt like she respected our opinions and our growing abilities to communicate. She always encouraged us in whatever we wanted to try, even if she knew ahead of time we wouldn't be successful and she was always there to help up afterward. Of course we had our problems with our parents--what kids doesn't! But I knew that parents loved me and respected me and I loved and respected them as well. I guess what I'm really getting as is that both of my parents took the TIME to parent us. We were never compared to one another or any other children and she made sure that rewards and punishments were appropriate both to the action and to the child. There was no such thing as one-size-fits-all in our house and I really appreciate the opportunity I had to become an individual and feel like I mattered, even in a busy household with two parents working full-time. I can't imagine how exhausted she must have been as we were growing up, but my parents reared up three intelligent, creative, hard-working, independent children who love and respect them very much. If that's not successful parenting, I don't know what is.

ADHD

I have a 10 yr old who has been on ritalin since 4 he cannot focus at school w/out it-he was diagnosed at 4-I have tried to let him go w/out but, he can't focus & his teachers know when he has not taken his med-he is on Focalin Xr 20 mg-He is in a private school & made the highest score of 99.7% OF 3RD-6TH-HE WILL BE IN THE 5TH GRADE NOW. i HATE THE MEDS FOR HIS ADHD BUT, W/O HE CANNOT FUNCTION-I wonder if this will have to be a lifetime med but, I see no options-I feel for the. 19 yr old grandson. I love my son and he needs this stimulant unfortuntely.

ADHD

My 19 year old grandson who now lives with me was put on Ritalin at he age of 5. He has used Concerta and other drugs also. After his parents divorced, he along with his sibling were used as weapons of contentions against their Father and we as his Granparents. His Mother had little time for him and put him off on anyone who would take him. The new children of her other 2 following husbands were her major focus. He graduated from a special ed class. He has absolutely no concept of rational thinking about right or wrong. However in some areas of education he is very smart/ He associates with others according to their age level. If it is an adult, he acts grownup, if a child he acts and plays like a child. I can see nothing about him that the drugs did except hurt him. he has deplorable social ineraction skills. He is neither mentally retarded enough to receive assistance from local agencies, but neither is he able to live alone without supervision. He is caught in the middle of a confusing world because of not receiving the teachings that should naturally be taught by loving adults in his life. He is not funtionably able to drive, nor work alone on a public job. It is horrible to see my grandchild like this. He was a perfectly normal, active child at age 5. This is an example of the product of our society where rather than be bothered by an active child, he was medicated and shunted to the side by a Mother who often overdosed him to get him out of her hair by giving him 2 pills instead of one so he would sleep. All she had to do was tell his pediatrician he was hyperactive. What kind of life can he have like this. He will never be resposible enough to be married or have children or work a public job. Who is to blame? The doctors who listen to the Mother without running tests or the lazy Mothers and adults in a child's life who just don't want to be bothered with the resposibility and attention a child like this needs? I think they are all to blame and I do wonder how many other children have grown into adults and are now facing such a bleak future as my grandson has in store for himself. Our society needs to change and parents and adults need to take resposibi;ity for the children they bring into this world. Some type of program needs to be developed by the government to provide assistance for people like this who have no future because they were medicated as ADHD. If anyone knows of any agency that may provide help for my grandson, please email me the information. Thank You

About Smart Parenting!

As I was reading the topic, it made me agree that children needs to be spanked as well from time to time as a form of discipline....I totally agree with that because that is also written in the bible..........

I am a single parent raising up a 13 year old teenage son, it is very difficult for me since I was working onboard a cruise ship and I miss out on his childhood. Now, I decided to get a call center job in the Philippines even if the pay is not yet high because I really want to make up for the lost time....... Well it certainly is not MONEY all the TIME! LOVE spells TIME!!!! I believe now our relationship is improving....

Thank you for the nice and very enlightening article!

More power to you all!!!

Joyce M. Caringal

Sta.Rosa, Laguna PHILIPPINES

The BEST parenting approach

I recently returned from training for The Nurtured Heart Approach with Howard Glasser, Tom Grove, Lisa Bravo, and Gabrielli LaChiara. Attendees numbered an even 100 and came from across the globe to learn, share and grow. The Nurtured Heart Approach is the most practical, easy to implement, intuitive way of engaging with my child that I have ever experienced and the results are stunning. Glasser's book, All Children Flourishing: Igniting the Greatness of Our Children is the latest edition of the Approach. for more information go to www.difficultchild.com or to learn specifics of using the Nurtured Heart Approach go to www.energyparenting.com

this article is okay

Spend time with your kids. Let them make some decisions that are acceptable to you and them. Sometimes there is only one decision. When my 3 year old will not stay in bed, I ask "Would you like to have a spanking and then go night night, or would you like to go night night?" (We read a few books, say our prayers, then I hold her and sing to her nearly every night before bed. I only spank her when it is clear that she needs to know that there is a limit. Sometimes, kids want to reach a limit. And they want their loving parents to be there at that limit. It makes me feel like a badguy, but after a spaanking I hold her and she begins to calm down and she is ready for bed. These days I hardly ever spank her anymore, she is such a good girl. Also, she is never ready for bed until after WE SPEND TIME TOGETHER. I don't really like stickers and ponies, so I bought her some legos and lincoln logs and we both have fun playing. She needs to have daddy time once I get home or else she will not sleep.) If she asks for another soda, I tell her no, she may not have more than 1 soda. I ask "Would you like milk, or water?" She tells me again that she would like a soda, but I persist that she may have either milk or water. Eventually she will pick one of the choices I have given her. At bed time, she is only allowed to drink water, so the question becomes, "Would you like water, or no water?"- It usually takes some repetition, but when we are done, she gets to decide for herself, and I am happy with her decisions.