Bad Marriages Harder on Women's Health

Interesting Article

This is a very interesting article. I have provided a link to it from Wellness for Women (http://women-wellness-40.dailysite.com/info), a site devoted to women's health.

Are women really affected more?

Summaries of the new research out of the University of Utah have been all over the news, but this is the only article I've seen that quotes Dr. Debra Umberson, another expert in the field whose research supports a different conclusion--that both women AND men suffer the health effects of marital conflict. It's interesting how the media has seemingly ignored this evidence, instead favoring the U. of UT study that reinforces traditional gender roles suggesting that the woman's emotions should be a barometer of her relationship while the man should be interpersonally detached.

It's time to recognize that we ALL have needs for love and companionship and are ALL negatively affected when we don't nurture our relationships.

" look before you leap"

i truly wish i would have looked before i leaped.as the pain and the lies are hard to live with.but ever time i look at our boys i put everything else aside, and try 2 be a better father..

STRESSED MARIAGE

AFTER BEING SINGLE FOR ALMOST 20 YEARS AND MARRYING AGAIN , I FOUND A LOT OF SIMILARITIES BETWEEN WIFE ONE AND WIFE TWO , NOW IN DIVORCE PROCEEDINGS , SINCE BOTH WANTED TO TAKE CHARGE OF THE FINANCES OF WHICH THEY KNEW NOTHOING ABOUT , BOTH PAYING 24 1/2 % INTEREST ON CREDIT CARDS AND HAVING ME BAIL THEM OUT EACH TIME . nOW i CAN SLEEP PEACEFULLY AT NIGHT AFTER HAVING BEEN GIVEN A DOSE OF CLOROX IN MY DENTURES TWO DAYS IN A ROW , AND HAVING HER CHILDREN ATTACK ME A 68 YEAR OLD DISABLED PERSON IN ORDER TO PROVOKE THE DIVORCE AS I WAS MILD MANNERED AND ONCE HAD EQUITY , NOW NEGATIVE EQUITY IN HOUSE DUE TO MISMANGMENT BY SPOUSE, NOW LOOKING TO TRADE UP AS IN FIRST MARRIAGE AFTER RECEIVING CITIZENSHIP.

Wow !

Social/Cultural turmoil and misunderstanding are probably at the root of "bad marriage". Here is where it explains, extensively, why:

http://www.getmarriedfirst.com/international/

Everyone Shake Hands Now

What an interesting debate! ja here.

I found myself doing a mental "high-five" or "knuckle-bump" with both genders. (And, yes, I'm going out on a limb and assuming there are only two represented on this forum.)

Many of you expressed feelings I would have, could have heartily and justifiably endorsed; feelings generated from younger, painful passages of my life. Many, in fact.

Something in me wanted to feel the same degree of angry conviction--even now. (It's not like I'm NOT an opinionated person, after all...) But, surprisingly, my primary reaction has been more like "Your (my) point is very valid, but so what?"

More important, I think, is this question:"How are you (am I) going to put this experience to good use, before we put it behind us?"

We can't change what happened. We're conditioned to see it as we see it--none of us being terribly objective.

We can, however, in time, choose to move forward in as healthy a manner as possible, learning from our mistakes, and rebuilding the only thing we have any hope of rebuilding, ourselves.

Bitterness, no matter how justified, makes us unattractive to look at and unattractive to be around. And makes it nearly impossible for someone else to love us. Someone healthy, I mean.

Maybe, in the end, it's passage of time more than wisdom that makes any of this possible. Either way, trust in this, it gets better, if you truly want it to.

Other factors...

Makes sense, but menopause and hormone replacement therapy (HRT) are other factors not mentioned.

the results

Joe,

I don't think the study showed that men appeared to have a higher rate, but that men did have a higher rate by a large margin. If the numbers were reversed and the headline was "Bad Marriages Harder on Men's Health" wouldn't you wonder?

Misinterpreting the results

For Rich of NY and James of MN: I think the point of the article is that even though men appear to have a higher rate of metabolic syndrome (MS) than women, it tends to be due to other factors, such as diet and lack of exercise. From the study, they apparently found a correlation to negativity and depression, that tends to trigger MS in women more than it does in men. That's how I interpreted the information.

Marriage is hard...but very, very rewarding.

Before I was married I read a book that said, “try to become the kind of person that you want to marry, otherwise you will probably attract the kind of person you will not want to marry." A kind, honest person is rarely attracted to a lying thief. I believe without God's help marriage is almost impossible. I did not know any man (intimately) before my husband and I have known only him since. We will be married 29 years in May. I have been faithful to him and he has done the same.. After all these years, 3 children, a total hysterectomy (which Rick thinks affects desire adversely), yes some weight gain, (for both of us, he loves my cooking and I love to cook for him) my husband and I are still very attracted and involved with each other...but we are very different...besides the obvious (man/woman). I asked my husband the other day if he thought we had a hard marriage. He said no. I was surprised, because it has been very hard at times for me...but we are committed to our marriage just as we are committed to our daughter. That is why I think it is almost impossible to have a good marriage apart from God. Marriage will take two people who usually love themselves, and require they put someone else first, at least sometimes. It is not easy, and after the initial ‘attraction’ begins to ‘wear off’, it takes work, a lot of work. If a person is married, I feel it is the most important relationship you have. That relationship will affect every part of your life, for good or bad. We think nothing of investing years of our lives for a career, but after we walk down the aisle, how much time/work/effort do we put into our marriage? So that it will grow with us. I want to say that if you are willing to stick it out, there is gold at the end of the rainbow. Our TV culture is so wrong about marriage. Married people have better intimacy than ‘one night stands’ or live in’s or casual sex. That is a fact. There is nothing like knowing your husband/wife so intimately that being together is like a well timed orchestra. That takes years of loving each other, being friends, forgiving each other…serving each other...and meeting each others needs/desires first. It takes trust that this other person (your spouse) realizes that you are not a size 8 any longer and get tired more quickly...marriage, the marriage bed is not a performance, it is meant to bond two people together like nothing else in this world can. Marrige gives children the stablility they need to navigate through the teen years. Their home life/parents faithfulness to one another is a compasss that will help as they are finding their own way. I pray for my husband. I want him to be the best he can be. I keep our home clean. I keep our bedroom attractive and inviting. It is our place, where we 'communicate'. That communication has kept us through some stormy times. It takes work, effort and purpose...and I am rewarded by a husband who loves me. yea, that is heart healthy...