Why Loneliness Is Bad for Your Health
A conversation with John Cacioppo, author of a new book on the need for social connection
Reader Comments
loneliness and human biology
Yes I have to agree with the author about the relationship between human biology and loneliness. Of course "feelings" I believe can be quantified possibly as neuro-chemicals between nerve rectors, thus manifesting into a physiological states such as aches, hallucinations, forgetfulness, for example on a down note and euphoria, love, excitement, on a high note. Just a short list of the varing degrees of human "emotions." The reason why I put quotations on "emotions" or "feelings" is because such things or states of being are relative to the individual. For example, cross-gender, cross-cultural, cross-economic, to name a few variables of influences can distort (not to distort in a completely negative of positive way but there is no constant variable in human emotions only inferances). However I do not wish to completely disqualify the study which concludes that most people when they feel lonely suffer from physiological symptoms, only to make a clear conversation on the matter. There is still more information in my opinion to be studyed about our brain or soul (depends on who you ask; a yogi or a neurosciencitist). How we strive to logical , tactile beings and yet emotional. The two seem to contradict one another, however I get the "feeling" that the two sides of us are our greatest gift. How we an be compassionate beyond reason and we can be calculating. Fasinating. I am only 24 but I hope the Heavenly Father grants me more time on His earth to understand this phenomena. Sorry for the spelling errors.
Response to Donna
Dear Donna: You are not alone. I am a 57 year old man who is in a great marriage for the last 20.5 years. First of all, it seems like w your health and habits, you have so much going for you. Look at how many people are 58 and are sick everyday. Practice gratitude for that. But I agree-too many people in this world are wrapped up in themeelves. It stinks. It is wrong. But it is true. Do you believe in a higher power? Do you have a spiritual practice that you can engage in daily? Do you belong to a church? We cannot function without community. Find a cause that you are passionate about and volunteer. When you help othere, you forget about yourself. I do also recommend that you order or get a book called "Personal Village" by a man named Marv Thomas who addresses many ways that we can beat the pain of isolation in society. But more significantly know that there are people who are NOT wrapped up in themselves and your challenge should you choose to accept it-is to locate those people. The challenge is not easy-nobody ever said it was easy. Is it worth it? You bet. Life is too short to mope and every day is a gift. There are a lot of nice guys out there who need love as well. But not just love-they need someone to care for and share their life with. Blessings to u as you will get out of this.
Michael
Loneliness
Compared to some I guess I was lucky. My wife and I had 40 years of a wonderful marriage. I retired in 98 and we lived the good life of retirement until 2003 when she passed away with cancer. Since that time I ve had a bypass,however I m now very healthy and enjoy the hobbies I have along with my two little poddles Smoker and Sparkey--They are great companions . I don t think I could have made it without them during the first couple of years which were the toughest.
I am however, lonely and have found I can t run away from it.
No one I know of , ever said life is easy.
I guess I could say I m happy , but not fulfilled .
Maybe the day will come when I meet someone special and I m hoping it could be a lifelong situation
The spirit...
I'm 26 years old,,don't know much about the subject as many people here but,, i really think that our spirit or state of mind plays a big role in this game. A lot of friends or people around you all the time doesn't mean you're not open to lonlyness,,,understand yourself first...
Very good article too...
Loneliness
I am 58 years old and found myself alone after a 25 year marriage. I loved being married and it was a good marriage. I feel like I was betrayed, because I was. I didn't live with a man I loved and adored for 25 years to end up like this. We were planning a great retirement for both of us together. Now I feel like I am aging very quickly. I have no friends, because everybody is wrapped up in themselves. And anybody who pretends to be my friend just wants money out of me. I am in great health, no medications or any kind. I eat well and take care of myself. I drink very little. I have a great connection with my two sons and daughter in law and grandbaby, but I do not have any close friends that I can talk to. Money is a very big concern with me now. It would not have been if my husband hadn't betrayed me. I didn't plan my life like this. I planned on have a great retirement with a stable future. So you tell me how I get myself out of this duldrum of my life. I don't like staying at home by myself. I want to travel and I am trying to work a business that is related, but I need someone who wants to travel too which will greatly inprove my outlook on life and improve my mental and physical well being.
I plan to live a long time, in good health and enjoy my life.
lonely hearts verses computer parts
I agree that the internet can create more isolation in people. I understand the desire to try to connect to people in different places, and with similar interests, but to maintain these computer connections means spending more time in front of a screen.
Quoting from the article:
When it comes to friendships, some people think that in order to be less lonely, everybody has to like them. That's not true. It takes just one, two, or three people. The person who has 4,000 friends on Facebook is not necessarily the least lonely person, especially if he spends all his time maintaining his Facebook page.
It is true. I see people with 50 or so friends, and I don't understand. If everyone of those people wrote, all the time, it would be crazy. Nobody would ever be able to pull themselves away from the computer.
As for me, I come from a family that was lacking. In school, I was never popular, and I had a few friends like me-nerdy. Loneliness has always haunted me to some degree.
As the television is a "cheap" babysitter, the internet can be a "mechanical" friend...it does not bleed, it does not laugh or cry.
the inertia of your life
If you can, you must choose to choose something different. Just do one thing per day for success. I think walking would be the first thought of mine too, as it gets you out in the air and sunshine. You might also adopt a mutt that needs a loving home--not a high need puppy but an adult dog that is lonely too. A sweet girl like you. She would love to go on walk with you instead of sitting in a cage.
Linda of MI
When I read your comments I felt connected for the first time in about 5 years. I am 52 years lonely. I have felt lonely all of my life, even during my 23 year marriage I was lonely. But the older I get the more I panic about my lonliness because my chances for true intimacy are growing dimmer and dimmer. My children are building their own relationships and families and no longer need me. My mother does not seem to suffer from lonliness and claims to prefer to spend any quiet hours she can, although she still has one grown child living with her. One of my sisters has a husband and four grandchildren and the last sister, like my mother prefers to spend time in the presence of her own loveable self. The people I meet in the workforce are all young and just starting out their lives and families. The men I meet on the internet have either chosen a life of batchelorhood, or have been severly burned by a woman or women that they can not commit emotionally. Like you I cannot drag myself out of my room and when I do I always feel like I wasted my time, money and energy on a fruitless quest for life. I can't even imagine my life in ten years. I have tried all of the antidepressants and the side effects are not worth the little bit of relief they offer. I have always remained somewhat depressed even while on medication. After many years I have not found a psychiatrist/psychologist in my area that undersands my lonliness and pain. The think joining a book club will cure you. Well, I ramble. Good luck in your quest for connection, especially during the holiday season. I know its hard to hang in there, at least it is for me.
Artists spend time alone the most of the time.....
Can artists create a master of piece with company?can artists be creative without feel the pain and the loneliness?...sometimes artists need to hide in order to create,and they refuse the company because they want to do the best job,they feel the needs to be different,is that right?or they are different?I am one of them,but I like and hate in the same time to spend long time alone,I really need to live in my dimension,in the same time,probably after 1 second,I would love to meet thousends of people,but,I know they won't be the same like my creation....sometimes I forget I got friends around me and good people,but I just think about my job (i don't do it for a living but for me is a job),is like I live in another dimension and nobody could ever understand,it is better for me to stay apart from reality,this happen when the creation is infinite,it never stop,the loneliness will be long,very long.........we love and hate this loneliness,is that an intelligent behaviour?share is good,but,when the big creation come we must answer (I do so..)...for me is like a calling from another dimension, and when it comes I even dream a lot everyday and night, I even write my dreams every morning when I wake up ,that is my company....I can say I live my loneliness with my dreams,and the art is my best friend,or vice versa
