Black Women's Burden: An Epidemic of HIV

you go girl

keep fighting we will find a cure never give up for your family and friends sake :) my love goes out to all who have fought or is fighting keep fighting

The Down Low

Ladies please use protection!! The Down Low is VERY prevalent in the black community. I get emails on a daily basis from women who were married to DL men and these men are now HIV positive. I have also spoken to gay men who have told me horror stories of the many married men they have slept with WITHOUT PROTECTION. These DL men are having sex in parks, public restrooms, cars, at the mall etc. and then then they go home and have sex with YOU! These is real ladies, please WAKE UP! For more information, please get a copy of my book, "The Straight-Up Truth About The Down-Low." Don't think it can't happen to you...I too was married to a DL man.

This is all over the place, but just like my 2nd grade students: you will know what I mean no matter what I say even if I say it in a random way…you’ll decipher this message and (go away talking about the horrible way it is written OR become angry because you don’t agree with the values OR be encouraged…which the latter is my intention).

I am a 28 year old single, black female who does not sleep around. Have I had sex? Yes. No, I'm not perfect and when the temptation to rise up and think I am comes...I pray that down. In other words, I’m not better than any white woman, other black women, asian women, Latina women, whatever women, women who are married, single women, women with kids, and so on and so forth. The fact is…I’m just not better just because I don’t sleep around.

Just had another thought…if there is someone reading this who just likes to have sex and just doesn’t care about any consequences or the person it makes them (just keep doing what you are going to do…no matter what I say…you will anyway). Sometimes when I have to stop and talk with one of my 2nd graders about his or her rule breaking and they have an attitude about it…I have to say stop…wait a minute...I’m assuming you care about the rules in this classroom…maybe you don’t…you shrugged your shoulders…so I took it that you don’t care…if it’s true that you don’t care, then no matter what I say to you right now even matters…so I’ll just give you the consequence and let you cry over in this corner OR we can talk about what we need to do so that this won’t happen again…because I care about you and want to show you how to care about yourself.

So, if you are involved in sex outside of marriage…or maybe you are married and involved in sex outside of marriage (that’s right…I said it)…then no matter what I say matters…unless you get rid of what you want to do and take on what God wants you to do. All I have to take care of is getting this message to you…that’s it…it’s not my worry if an angry message is posted in response OR if no response is posted at all. And if you finally don’t really know the message…I’ll post it at the end of this entire writing.

Why not shack up or just have sex just because I love/like someone...do what I want? Well, Jesus is the answer for me, for all, the aids crisis and for the choice of a person we CHOOSE to be in a relationship with. There are definitely consequences for sin, but that doesn't mean that God doesn't love.

It seems that some who say they don't believe in God...say that bad things are coming from God...like aids. Think about this...it seems they have some hope there...for a God that will take the pain away (not always automatically...in his own time...maybe not even while they are on Earth). There IS. He's the I AM. Are these same people continuing to sin sexually with the hope of God...but not fully trusting that there is one who will judge his/her sin? (though not all aids stems from sexual contact)?

If I choose to get in a relationship where we both agree to have sex even though we have not committed to each other...I'm giving up my right not to be hurt as 1/2 of the relationship.

No, I'm not married, so I don't have some dude betraying me by going the downlow route. That's why for me...getting in any relationship is a serious matter. I better trust in my God to provide and not try to force something just because I want to be with someone (been there...done that).

I'm too precious (not because of what I've done, but because Christ died for me while I was yet a sinner) to settle for less. I'd rather be single and trusting in God to fulfill my life, than be in a Godless relationship crying and holding bitterness in my heart toward someone I knew who was not committed to me in the first place OR being SO happy at first in my Godless relationship only to have it unravel just as the first...the next...and so on and so on (and it will happen so long as I continue to find no worth in myself that is only truly found in Christs' forgiveness and love for me).

So, what if I did get married and thought he was committed to me under God only to find out he is creepin’ on the down low? What if??? What if??? That's just the point...Jesus and I will have to meet that if it comes...in the meantime...I'm going to stroll on my Christian journey putting my hope in the one who died for my sins. I may even mess up and get in a Godless relationship. The fact is…if I do…it’s going to be bad…!!! That would be my consequence. I’m just going to do my best not to go that route. It’s going to take my drawing close to God who will draw close to me (through prayer, the reading of his word, fellowship of other believers in Christ, and doing what God has me to do).

If I have a child one day, I want to be able to tell my child that yes...you can get aids if you have unprotected sex…but honey…you know the best way…don’t have sex. It’s okay not to, honey. I had had sex when I wasn’t married, honey. I was happy about my boyfriend at first, honey. But honey, I found out that there’s more to it than just sex, honey. And honey, if you don’t get those other things besides sex…you are not going to be unhappy, honey. And honey, you know what God has said about sex, honey? I’m going to tell you now, so when you grow up and make more of your own decisions, you will remember what I told you. Honey, in the bible God said…

Thank you.

Message: Jesus is the answer and will come back...put your trust in him. The Way, The Truth, and The Life.

deception in relationships

just so you know men who sleep with men are gay,and it dosent matter what they "consider themselves" and now because of some fake ass "stigma".Inconsiderate gay men who only care about their own feelings are condemming these women to a death sentence. If your gay,be gay don't be a selfish SOB.Ladies just so you know there are still real men out there who will love you and think about your welfare over there own,THAT'S WHAT A REAL MAN IS.

RE: Women sleep around also

To wildhorses130 - not all women are bad and not all of us sleep around. You are a good man for supporting your wife. Not all of us go "black" as her friend told her to do (or suggested anyways).

As to the "Dr" referenced in the comments below - You need to find some evidence to support your facts and stop pointing out people's spelling mistakes. You are not perfect, either. The stats show that black women are getting the disease at a higher rate that other women; regardless if they are white, asian or indian (or any other race). Why they get it more is beyond my compreshension, other than they are either sleeping around more OR their man is sleeping around on them (or both). Who knows. But seriously, get some facts or at least some evidence before you start making statements to people; you only make yourself look stupid.

Women sleep around also

All I see here is about men sleeping around, but my wife was sleeping with several black men and she came down with Aids good enough for her , she had a husband that was a very good provider, paid all the bills gave her a new home and she thanked him by sleeping with black men for sexual gradification because she was told by a black woman that black men would give her better sex, well all he gave my stupid wife was Aids.

Now we are divorced, she has Aids and living in a rat hole subsudized rent apartment where the Exterminator has to spray each apartment every 30 days trying to control the vermins.

Her stupidity garnered her a divorce ,split up our children and grand children tore this family apart and the 30 years we were married was a total loss.

HIV and Mitch

For Mitch of OH

In response to your comment below. My comments are in parentheses.

Tell me am I supposed to feel sorry for someone when they was aware of the possibilities of their actions. (If you were oh so intelligent you would know that "were" is the correct word, not "was.")

(Everyone who smokes does not get cancer. Although it certainly increases your chances.)If you smoke you get cancer.

(Not if the car stops first.) If you run in front of a moving car you will get hit.

(Does that mean married couples who are truly monogamous?) If you have unprotected sex sooner or later you will get a STD.

If you can not understand this you are not intelligent enough to have sex. (If you believe that your statements, which are full of logical "holes" make sense, you are not intelligent enough to share them).

Re: White Woman Clean

Regarding point number 1. It sounds as if you are referring to Black men; "their men." Contrary to what you may believe, any man can cheat, regardless of race. And many of them do.

Regarding point number 2. You can be a virgin, sleep with someone,and acquire HIV. It does not have anything to do with sleeping around or promiscuity (which maybe you did not know how to spell). The issue is protection. And a related issue is sex education.

May you continue to stay clean, with your bogus and judgmental arguments. Sometimes life has a way of placing you in another person's shoes, just so that you can understand. Take the plank out of your own eye.

AIDS IS everyone's problem, I agree, but...

Tiffany my dear, did you read the article? Of course AIDS is everyone's problem, but AIDS did not pick the race card and say, "I'm going to infect only Black women." Majority of the black women have it because their men passed it on to them; doesn't mean black men - ALL men. The disease did not set out for the black race or black women for that matter. Statistics show that majority of the carrier is black women. Why? I don't have an answer to that although I wish I did. All I can say is the facts are on paper. Stop sleeping around (prevention) and trust your man is not sleeping around on you IF you are married. If you are sleeping around while single, you are playing Russian Roulette w/ your body.

AIDS is everyone's problem

In case you haven't noticed -- black men sleep with white women too. These are the same men who have little or no regard for whom they sleep with and infect, so it's only a matter of time before it invades your "clean white life". Case in point, AIDS is EVERYONE's problem.

You're right: Women should be protecting themselves, but instead of judging the state of black affairs, you should concentrate on how to best protect yourself and educate people of all races and genders about AIDS prevention.