6 Ways to Prep Your Kids for an Oversexed World
Children are sure to encounter sexually explicit photos and lyrics. Help them stay safe
Talking with kids about sex is a challenge for most parents, and it's getting harder by the day, what with children exposed to sexually explicit terms and images at younger and younger ages. Diane Levin, coauthor of So Sexy So Soon, gives these six pointers on how to help your children navigate safely through an oversexualized world. "It's much harder for parents now," Levin says. "But there's a lot more they can do than they realize."
1. Stay connected, so your child is comfortable telling you about sex or other emotionally charged issues. When children say or do something that seems inappropriate, a good start to the conversation is: "What have you heard about that?"
2. Protect children as much as possible from exposure to sexual imagery in the media and popular culture. Ban TVs and computers from kids' bedrooms. Set up a schedule that spells out how much screen time your kids have each day. Encourage other activities, including sports, music, and volunteering.
3. Learn about the media and popular culture in your children's lives. Ask them what shows, videos, and games they do and don't like, and what their friends like. Watch shows or play video games with your children, so you know what's in the media and can talk about why sexual or violent images disturb you. Preview shows yourself if you're not sure whether they're appropriate for your child. If you have tweens or teens, join MySpace and Facebook to keep an eye on their online activities.
4. Get beyond "Just say no." If you are too rigid as a parent, your kids will sneak behind your back or be afraid to tell you about disturbing images they see. Try working out solutions with your children. When you do need to say no, say it constructively: "I know you saw that show at Jared's house, and we've talked about how much you want to watch it here. But I've watched it, too, and it just makes me too uncomfortable to let all the [inappropriate content] into our house. But I'm glad we've talked about it."
5. Counteract the narrow stereotypes of boys and girls in commercial culture by helping boys learn alternatives to tough and violent behavior and by encouraging girls to be physically active and independent, rather than focusing on appearance and sexiness.
6. Share your values and concerns with other adults—including other parents and teachers. We're not in this alone.
In a Q&A with a reporter, Levin explains how parents can help kids navigate safely through today's sexualized media.
Reader Comments
Nancy Shute on struggling to find the balance
Thanks for your thoughtful comments! As a parent, I find the decisions about what children need to know when to be among the most difficult, particularly since they are exposed to waaay more sex and violence than we ever were. The evidence is clear that too much too soon is really bad for kids. But then what, when? I'd love to protect all kids from all bad things. Levin's point is that we can't, so we have to teach them the skills to cope with the disturbing media message that they will for sure see.
all the best, Nancy
Knowledge is Power
Abstinence does work, but only if it's followed. Having "the talk" in this era has to be very different from the talk in the 1950's through the 1990's. We know so much more! Educating our young children and teens about sex should include the ramifications as well as the positives. It can't be a one hour lecture, either! It has to be a ongoing discussion that can take place at any time that your child feels comfortable.
A healthy sex life is nothing to be ashamed of, yet the basic function is a biological process to increase the population. (as stated by Mr. Crosby, below) Talking about sex needs to include the biological, physical and mental components that come with having sex. Until a person is mature enough to handle the possible ramifications, they should practice abstinence.
I understand hormones are wild and children have little knowledge about how to handle the feelings and urges, (heck, some adults still don't have control), but that should be where a responsible parent/grandparent/aunt/uncle/doctor/or other trusted adult should step in and be open to talk about it with them. Knowledge is power, Ignorance is weakness.
Ignorance ...
Well, sometimes ignorance is bliss. I can't think of how many things I know about sex that I really don't need to know and wish that I was never exposed to. Once exposed to sex and sexual imagery, I odn't know of any way of getting it out of your head.
There are appropriate ways to discuss sex and correct behavior without being heavy-handed or giving in to an attitude that "it's all out there, they'd better see it" that fall far short of wide-open permissiveness. Slow, careful explanations of what is safe and healthy will help children learn how to choose what will make them happy and avoid much heartache and pain. Because sex is such a vital part of being an adult, it is worth every effort to teach children carefully. Unfortunately, today a necessary part of this careful teaching is a very strong filter on what children see.
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