Mars and Venus and Stress
In your book, you write that our society is not supporting women enough?
There's not a lot of support for women to take the time they need to do the things they love to do. Historically, women did not take such time and they were fine, but that's because they were living in an environment that was primarily oxytocin-stimulating. It was cooperative, collaborative, noncompetitive, non-goal-oriented, and nonisolated.
I was just down in Ecuador with indigenous tribes and one of their basic cultural rules is women aren't allowed in the jungle, which is a testosterone-producing environment. Today, we've got women in the jungle. Women spend much of their day in the jungle producing testosterone—anytime you're working for money, you're primarily stimulating testosterone. That exacts a price.
So what can a man do to help a woman reduce stress?
Usually when a man listens to a woman, he doesn't listen. He tries to solve her problem. Instead, your objective is not to solve anything. You gaze at her saying, "Tell me more—what else?" She has this 10-minute venting session, which is helping to stimulate her oxytocin. When women do things that stimulate oxytocin, it causes their cortisol levels to gradually decline.
What does the man get out of it?
Whenever a man does something to help raise a woman's oxytocin, it will raise his testosterone. When he does this listening and gazing exercise with the women, there will be a huge boost to his testosterone. He has a role! Men's stress levels go down when they feel needed. To a great extent, when women are making money, the men don't feel as needed. There's nothing more wonderful than when you're the provider and the woman's appreciating what you provide. That raises his testosterone levels.
Any other advice?
The most important is to cultivate romance—it's the most powerful way to increase oxytocin in a woman and testosterone in a man. As women have become more testosterone-oriented, romance has become more and more important in our society. Romance stimulates oxytocin, which regulates orgasmic function. But men don't understand women need gentle, gradual attention.
Meantime, she can ask for help with little things, and the man feels appreciated. That's very important. Even just asking him to pick things up from the store for dinner, say. I'll grumble at first, but once I'm moving in the direction of achieving that goal, my testosterone levels go back up. Finally, women have to create periods of time where they do the thing they love to do, and do it in a non-deadline-oriented way. Do the nurturing, bonding things, and don't feel guilty about it.
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